A Day in the Life

Lately, I seem to forget to pull out the camera. Either we are constantly on the go or the battery isn't charged. Either way, I feel as if I am not catching the "moments."

For example, when I think of Lila Grace playing upstairs, I have a vivid picture of her putting markers in the toaster. When people ask what her favorite activity is, I quickly report that toasting markers is top of her list. More than not she is sitting on the table but a few nights ago I caught her sitting appropriately while methodically arranging her markers. I don't know what the draw is but after watching her do it countless times, there is clearly a goal in mind.



While Lila was toasting markers, I was working with Adeline on sensory issues. During her last OT session, we pulled out shredded paper. At first she wouldn't touch it but thanks to that patience of her therapist she would reach out and touch a piece. After praising, distracting and tying the paper to all of her favorite toys, Adeline was touching, pulling and removing the shreds from her play space. I tried to follow it up with a mini session before bed and was quite successful. I was surprised how little it bothered her. Of course, I had to work on my issues of having it spread to one end of her room to the other.


The night ended with bottles on the floor. Both girls fell apart which meant either bottles on the floor or one cries while I feed the other. It was kind of cute how they snuggle up to one another.

These are the moments that make me smile at the end of the day.

Only Time Will Tell

If I had a dollar for every time someone said, "Only time will tell," or "It is too early to tell," I would be able to gas up my car without cringing. As I sit and watch my girls developing, it is clear that Adeline's outcome is still hanging in the balance. As they approach two - can you believe it? - Lila Grace is taking off and leaving Adeline behind.

Lila Grace is a true toddler. She engages in silly games, throws tantrums, follows directions and is becoming much more self reliant. Adeline, on the other hand, is not. Yes, she is making progress and at times, tremendous progress. She is beginning to walk, stand up without assistance, babble more and bring things to me to do for her. However, this is far behind where she should be. There are many times when is zoned out, not responding to her name and acts as if she has no idea what you are talking about. She can't touch grass, loose ribbons, and falls apart when hearing the vacuum, blender or lawn mower. There are days when she lights up and others where she seems to just go through the motions. One day she will eat (finger feed) and for the next three she will throw a fit in her highchair. What does it all mean?

Just recently Alex and I had an Autism scare. He brought it up and I refuted it. A day later I was panicked and talking to everyone who knows Adeline, asking their opinion. The consensus, not Autism, not yet at least. I feel good about that but realize that Alex and I both are wavering in our belief of normalcy. We, as do her therapists, believe it is still within reach. However, we are more concerned than ever.

I critique her more, push her harder, and work her to the point of frustration. I don't know who is more frustrated, me, her or her sisters sitting on the sidelines. I guess I am ready for the diagnosis, if is there is going to be one. I finally understand those parents who find comfort in a diagnosis. I never really got that before. But after almost two years of worry, I just want to know! What does the future hold. Will she mainstream? Will she go to college? Will she marry? Not that she has to do these things, I just want her to have the choice.

Like all parents, I want to give her to world. After all, that is what she gave me. She taught me to believe in miracles. She is the unbelievable. I get the privilege to watch her grow and develop, defying so many odds. I want the same for her. I want her to know what it is love deeply, hope with every ounce of her soul and understand that God gave her life!

Oh, Miss Bellie Merellie, when are we going to know?



Learning how to go down the slide on her belly at a Gymboree birthday party!

A Rainy Day in April

Before April gets completely away from us, I wanted to share some video of the girls. In addition to many rainy days, there were a fair number of days that both girls were very cranky or sick. When I was ready to pull my hair out I would always try to crank the music and engage them in some sort of play. They have always responded well to music and in either case, it makes their fussing less noticeable. The video below was on one of those days.

There were many hours of riding and pushing the cars back and forth through the house last month. Surprisingly, Lila Grace can even push Savannah when they weren't dancing to the music. The cars were supposed to turn into an outside toy but we are having too much fun with them indoors. Adeline loves their music and is often found sitting by one clapping her hands to the tunes.

Finally, Lila Grace just took up jumping which surpasses Savannah's abilities at the same age. She is much more physically able and willing than I ever expected at this point and time. She is fearless and scarily strong. I can't believe she can get both feet off of the ground.

Goodbye April, Hello May

As I say goodbye to April - my most dreaded month - I am up to my ears in sick kids. Savannah has recovered thankfully, but Adeline is back on the O's and fighting a fever. Lila Grace has a never ending runny nose and terrible cough. Both are wanting Mommy more than normal which makes me feel sick with exhaustion.

Why? Why must April be such a tough month? I have come to conclude that April is a teaser. First, it hits us with cold weather and sick kids. But then it warms up and we find ourselves running around outside in our new summer clothes. That all comes to an abrupt end with our cloudy skies, cold temps and snotty noses.

Here's hoping May brings a breath of fresh air to this germ infested house.

Happy May Day! (This is my absolute favorite art project Savannah has brought home this year)

They're Here

Who would have thought orthodics could be so stinkin' cute!!!

Crossing the Finish Line

We did it! All three of my girls took part this year and what fun we had. It was nice to walk and not be concerned about Adeline's health, the temperature or when the babies' next feeding should be. This year, we headed out with three very happy and content little girls.

I was amazed by the number of people walking this year. I was also struck by the sizable teams walking without in children. Lucky! Blessed!! There isn't a word that can describe how we felt. I think it is safe to assume that Adeline was one of the smallest babies born taking part in the walk. But there she was, standing alone at the starting line, eating the Goldfish like all the other kids at the checkpoints and enjoying the music show afterwards. Anyone looking at her would have no idea of her start in life. The same is true for Lila as she went running off the starting line and was the first dancer in the music show. She was so cute standing in front of the crowd dancing.

Here is a little clip of our photos. We had a really nice time and look forward to participating in many more March of Dimes events.

Never Underestimate Your Children

That was the lesson I learned after spending three hours in the ER with all three girls this past weekend. Oddly enough, Savannah was the cause for the trip with a 104.5 fever, high heart and respiratory rate and listless appearance. After battling it all morning, I finally gave into my motherly instinct and took her in. All of my "go to" people were otherwise occupied which meant the twins were in for the trip as well.

Luckily, the ER wasn't crazy busy as it usually is on Sunday afternoon. Savannah was triaged and we were taken directly too a room (sympathy for the "you've got your hands full" mommy). As I carried Savannah and two bags while pushing the stroller with the girls, I realized that this is what being a mother is all about. You somehow find what it takes to do something that you thought impossible. Taking all three kids to the ER was on my list of impossibilities until Sunday.

First, Savannah was extremely calm, mature, and agreeable. No tears, no fuss just plain cooperation. She laid on the stretcher for three hours with no pillow or blanket and no mommy by her side for the most part. She was patient and told me about every fifteen minutes that she wanted to go but seemed to understand that a departure wasn't going to be in her immediate future.

The twins we amazing as well. Not thinking, I put them in the car about the same time I should have been feeding them lunch. I grabbed Cheerios but nothing more. After their initial complaints of being in a hospital - worrying that they were going to be the ones poked and prodded, the girls just sat in their stroller. I never took them out! I keep feeding them Cheerios and walked them back forth in front of Savannah's room. During the times that Savannah needed my help, someone else walked them or they just watched. No cries, meltdowns and no sleeping, of course, but who's complaining.

We were finally discharged with the intention of hydrating Savannah and bringing her fever and heart rate down at home. That didn't work as well as it was said to have. The anti-nausea medicine didn't work and after hooking her up to Adeline's monitor I watched her heart rate spike to an all time high of 175. Her sats weren't great and her fever was 104 again. Needless to say it was a sleepless night for both of us but we managed. Between the baths and vomiting, we caught a couple of hours of sleep.

Although, it was a stressful situation and I wasn't completely confident in my decision to care for Savannah at home, I feel I did the right thing. I am so proud of all three of my girls. They all rose to the occasion just when I thought things might become disaster. Thankfully, Savannah is better now and we have all caught up on sleep (thanks to Daddy's return home for a few days). We can just add this illness to the long list of nasty viruses we seem to pick up during the month of April.

Can I just say, April is my least favorite month?