A Night Without Kids. . . Almost

Alex and I planned to take advantage of our time at my parents and get away for night. We haven't done this since the twins were born (unless you count a 48 hour house hunt in Dallas - not so relaxing). We made reservations in Spokane, Washington and looked forward to the time away from our very sweet but busy girls. As we started to pack for the day, we went back and forth about whether or not to go. I wasn't feeling great and hanging out as a family has always been our favorite activity anyway. Finally, Alex put his foot down (as much as he ever does) and pushed me out the door. On the way out the door we decided to take Savannah with us. I guess that means we just don't know how to do a weekend without kids.

We ended up having a great time and I am very glad we took the big girl along. She is such a pleasure and minimal if any extra work. It is nice to LISTEN to all she has to say instead of pretending to when the twins are demanding all of the attention. Savannah was thrilled to have "Mommy and Daddy" time which made it even better. We we took her to see the big Radio Flyer Wagon, the place where Mommy and Daddy got engaged and our favorite place to eat when we were in graduate school. There was very little time for anything else but we managed to squeeze in a trip to the children's museum. (Another example of the small town putting the big city to shame. It was much better than Philly's children's museum.) Possibly the best part of the trip was waking up at 9:00 a.m. with no diapers to change, mouths to feed of babies to dress. Four is a blissful age!!

Here are a few pictures of our trip. My favorite is Savannah's breakthrough into the world of photography. Yeap, she took our picture with our big and bulky SLR just like a pro. She instructed, before we posed, "Remember, arms around each other!" Where does she come up with this stuff.

We love you Sweetie Pie!






Nearly nine years ago, the Wolf-Shaw family was born!! Nice picture Savannah!

The Small Town Perk

After living in one of the largest cities in the US, it is hard to imagine living in a small town town like Quincy - even though I did for 18 years. Philadelphia and its suburbs has just about everything you could want and more. The shopping, eateries and outdoor experiences are limitless. However, there is one area where my tiny hometown trumps Philly. It is its pool. Not only does Quincy have a fabulous public pool that is CLEAN and not CROWDED, it has two water slides as well. I gladly paid the $3.50 admission and entered with a smile (this would cost $225 a month where we live). We visited it last night and had a wonderful time. The girls couldn't keep off the slides and the zero depth wading pool was perfect for Miss Adeline. Most of us are battling an illness and are not running at 100%, but we powered up for an evening at the pool and had a fabulous time.

Life Above 15,000. . .Less Saturated Than Expected

After a week of illness and packing we boarded our plane late Friday night. We got through security with loads of gear, bags, computers and children. After tying back on the shoes, balancing car seats on the stroller we headed toward the gate. Our first flight as a family of five!!

Savannah was beside herself with excitement. She enjoyed watching all of the planes from the gate while the girls were less than excited to wait to board. Finally, the call for parents with children. Alex took Savannah, three car seats and a bag on board while I walked the girls back and forth in their stroller for the next 45 minutes. Once on the plane we buckled in Lila Grace and Savannah in the window seats and Alex and I took turns holding Adeline. We said a little prayer, held hands and were up and away.

Once in the air, I gave Lila Grace her bottle and she was asleep before we knew it. Luckily, she slept the entire flight!! I have never met a better sleeper. Not a peep, just sound asleep the whole way. Savannah found it hard to get comfortable and was distracted by the meals, drinks and snacks she was continually offered. (We flew First Class which seems to be the only option when flying on miles). She was a superstar and never complained before she passed out for the last two hours of the flight.

Adeline was a completely different story. We had her hooked up to the pulse oximeter and were pleased with her sats going into the air. She was fidgety and finally became fussy. I decided to feed her in hopes that she would fall asleep in my arms. No such luck! Once hitting 15,000 feet we noticed that her sats were dropping into the low 90's. I was shocked but knew that it wasn't a crisis. We hooked her into a car seat that we carried on in case we got lucky with an empty seat nearby (which we did thank goodness) and gave her nebs. She hasn't had them in so long that they upset her terribly which causes her to cry during the entire treatment. This lead to a gag which resulted in four rounds of projectile puke. First Class was loving by this point. Did I carry on extra clothes? Of course not. I brought everything else but never thought to pack clothes in our already bulging carry on. So poor Miss Belle flew naked from that point on. She cried her self out and was pretty spent after her puking episode. She finally fell asleep. Usually, her sats even out when she is asleep and I figured they would go up a little due to her being relaxed. Well, I was very wrong. They dropped to 86! The stewardess asked if we wanted supplemental oxygen but had made it clear that it would be followed by an emergency landing. She was very supportive of us and our decision and never once made us feel as if we didn't have the right to land the plane. We, on the other hand, knew that Adeline was far from emergent due to her level heart rate and comfortable sleep. We played with her positioning and ended up holding her in an upright position which raised her sats up to 90. Holding a sleeping child for a couple hours is less than comfortable so I give Adeline tons of props for sleeping the last 4 hours of the flight while being held. It was interesting watching the plane descend because once we broke 15,000 ft. her sats shot up and she has been pretty good ever since.

We got to Alex's parents house at 2:00 a.m. (5:00 a.m. our time) and put the girls down. Adeline's sats were fine all night and the girls were amazing sleepers in an unfamiliar place. I am pretty sure we could have laid them on the kitchen table at that point and they would have rolled over until morning. We were all exhausted.

Miss Belle has continued to struggle with puking episodes which makes it hard to keep the meds down. However, last night she was satting 100 with the lowest heart rate I have seen on her. I guess that means she is better or, at least on her way there.

We have a long flight back and aren't allowed to take O2 on board. Clearly, our little girl isn't meant to be in the friendly skies but we must return home. I am confident she will sat better on the way home if we can get her healthy. It looks like she close.

Nothing like keeping life interesting for us Miss Bellie Belle.

Another Amuzing Comment From the Oldest

As we were eating lunch at BJ's yesterday, Savannah looks up at me with a quizical look. While holding her hotdog she asks, "Am I eating part of a dog?" Of course I laugh and say, "No, it is part of a pig." What is interesting is that she sees no difference. I guess it takes a few more years to realize that I am not going to server her up a side of kitty orany other household pet any time soon.

Preparing for the Friendly Skies

As we prepare for our trip out West, we are down and out for the count. Adeline was at duPont on Wednesday for respiratory issues. Lila Grace seems to have a touch of it and Daddy is running a fever and not feeling so hot himself. I guess I should add that I am not running at 100% either. Oh, the irony of timing.

We haven't been sick since April. Adeline hasn't needed neb treatments or a steroid since the NICU!! What is the deal! There are many things to consider when flying with her. The cabin air is closer to 18% oxygen which is down from the 21% that we all breath on a daily basis. We can't take tanks on board and requesting theirs results in an emergency landing. So. . . we pack up the pulse oximeter, nebs and meds and keep our fingers crossed. This is, after all, a trip to celebrate their second birthday and baptism. Why we can't be healthy going in to it, I will never understand.

I guess I will try to look at it in a positve light. No one has a high fever which in this house is uncommon. I do think we produce "fever queens" and I would be very uncomfortable flying with a child that is burning up with the not so uncommon 104.5 temp. Savannah isn't sick which is a big help. Her excitement keeps us going. Adeline and Lila Grace are terribly fussy but still functioning which is better than laying around. And finally, we are healthy enough to fly (I realize that this may change due to this illness we are all fighting) which is a stark difference from last year at this time.

Wish us luck, send the girls sweet dreams (it is an overnighter for them) and let's hope we all wake up feeling better in the morning.

Since this trip is centered around their birthday, I have their birth, NICU stay and remarkable outcome on the brain. Here is a little picture that puts everything into perspective.

My Big Girl and the Beach

Here are a few pictures of Savannah enjoying herself at the beach. There is no other child you would want to vacation with. She defines vacation. Many mornings we would snuggle on the couch. There were no demands and she was always very patient to eat breakfast and go to the beach. Whenever we told her it was just going to be her and not the girls she would light up and say, "Just special Mommy and Savannah time!" If all children were that easy to please! Her favorite activity is still jumping the waves, which gives one's arms quite the workout. There were no complaints when we decided to go back into the house. In fact, she would ask, "Can I color when I get back?" Such a simple request but Savannah always feels the need to ask first. I wish my manners were that apparent.

Ever since she was 8 months old, she has loved to stand in the ocean and let the waves crash over her. I find it odd that she is fearless at the beach. This is the same child who won't go and play the yard due to her current (shall I say irrational) fear of bees.

Although she continues to demonstrate the essence of a "little girl" she is most notably growing into a "big girl." When I look at her sitting on the beach and I can't believe she is mine. Where did the time go? Moreover, "How on earth did I get so lucky?"








Then and. . . now

July 26, 2006

Alex and I haven't concluded whether or not to celebrate this day or try to erase it from our memory. Since the latter is impossible, we are called to celebrate or at least recognize the date.

Where to start. . .

Two years ago, after the stress of the first trimester troubles were over and while we were settling into the delightful second trimester (I really mean delightful. . I love being pregnant) I took my mom with me to a routine ultrasound. My pregnancy was high risk and ultrasounds weren't uncommon. What was uncommon was that Alex didn't accompany me. It was the first appointment that he missed.

The tech examined Lila Grace first and she was dancing away. I assumed everything was fine with Adeline when the tech decided to take a "potty break" but when Dr. Carlson came in and proceeded to do the ultrasound without speaking, I knew. I pushed him for answers and he was reluctant to give any. He said that Adeline was measuring half the size of her sister and that her placenta had bled and formed a hematoma. He wouldn't comment on her prognosis but it was clearly grim. I immediately went upstairs for my clinical portion of the visit at which point Dr. Roberts said that there no chance for Adeline's survival. Her blood flow was restricted and would soon reverse. She gave Adeline two weeks to live and mentioned that they wouldn't consider delivering her so early because she would be too small to provide support. She concluded the appointment with, "In reality, she will probably give up the fight in the next couple of days which will make delivery a non-issue."

I was stunned, angry and scared. I continued to search for a way for my little girl to beat the odds but kept coming up empty. Alex finally arrived at the hospital and I collapsed in his arms. I desperately needed him to tell me that they were wrong. We both decided to hang our hopes on a 12 hour fetal diagnosis that was scheduled at Penn in 48 hours. That 48 hours seemed like 48 days. Was Adeline alive? That remained the question for every waking moment over the next 29 days.

After our appointment at Penn we sat at a round table with Doctors and counselors. The concensus was that Adeline had a 5% (a.k.a. no chance) of making it to 24 weeks which would be the first day they could ethically deliver. If by some miracle Adeline did hold on for two weeks, it would mean that Lila Grace would also have to be delivered early, putting her life at risk as well. Could we possibly put Lila Grace at such great risk for the sake of delivering Adeline early? A terrible decision to have to make.

A few days later, we went over the results of the appointment with Dr. Carlson and he told us to go for baby "B" (Lila) and pretend that baby "A" doesn't exist. Hard to hear and poorly delivered but an honest opinion from a doctor that hates to give them.

And so the fight had begun. . . each day laying on my side pushing my fingers into my belly trying to get Adeline to move and give some indication that she was still alive. We were given ultrasounds every 48 hours but that is too long to wait when you know your child is fighting for life and most likely loosing. Each ultrasound indicated poor blood flow, but the predicted flow reversal never appeared! Her amniotic fluid was slowly leaking which was part of the reason she wasn't able to move in the womb. I don't think my heart ever beat as fast as it did during the few seconds it took the tech to locate a heartbeat during each scan. Nor do I think anything has been more emotional for us than the sight of a beating heart when you have prepared yourself not to see one.

I like to say that God held her in the palm of his hand during those 29 days. She shunted every last drop of blood to her brain and held on to life. It was evident by the looks of her on her birthday. Her head was about as big as her body. . .a sign of a baby in distress.

Alex and I still had to grapple with the decision of when to deliver the girls since Adeline was clinging to life, hanging in that miraculous 5% survial category. We finally made the decision to deliver at 28 weeks which would most likely guarantee Lila's survival if she was administered steroids 72 hours in advance. The day of the girls' delivery was the day we were going to set up my admission and begin the steroid course for the anticipated 28 week delivery. Clearly, God knew that Adeline had fought long enough and gave both girls the strength they needed to live in the absence of steroids. Their delivery was the caused by preeclampsia - something that the doctors mistakingly didn't watch. Proof that God works in mysterious ways.

29 days of agony, despair and anger, or 29 days of miraculous strength and perseverance by my little one. It just depends on how you want to look at it. At the time it was the former but two years later I see things through different eyes.

July 26th will always be Adeline's day. She fought a good fight for 29 days and then continued fighting for 125 more in the NICU. She never ceases to amaze me or comfort me. As she approaches two and begins to take on the characteristics of a typical two year old, she still exudes calm and serenity. She makes me smile like no other. How can one be so funny, sweet and full of life considering her calm and peace didn't really start until less than a year ago when she gave up the oxygen? Her road has been long and hard and will continue to be. Adeline continues to raise the bar when it comes to living life to its fullest.

There are no words to express how much I love this little one. She makes me a better person each and every day!!

Miss Belly Belle, Thank YOU!!!