My Gym

Adeline was invited to a birthday party at My Gym. It was a classmate from her developmental classroom that was celebrating his birthday. I was curious to see how all the children would do in an unfamiliar environment, including The Belle. The children seem very typical in their IU classroom because it is very regimented and predictable which helps children who aren't neurotypical appear as if they are.

Adeline was hesitant at first and yelling, "No, No, Mommy's car." But after a quick trip the to the bathroom, she was on her game. She followed directions, was willing to try out all of the equipment and be cute and pleasant while doing so.

Alex and I were able to accompany Adeline without her sister's in tow, which was extremely exciting for us. Adeline is such a joy, always happy and willing. We received lots of compliments because she is that kid that draws people to her. She is quite but some how penetrates a group with her peaceful and joyful disposition.

What a treat it was to focus our undivided attention on Adeline and recognize and all she has to offer. She is one fantastic kid! I am one lucky Mommy!!

Happy Meal Anyone?

Thanks to Miss Lois, Adeline's developmental classroom teacher, the girls have enjoying some McDonalds drive through time. They love setting it up, picking out what they want picture menu and paying for their meals. One night, the drive through was quite busy with Adeline and Kate in mix too. I love how they understood the concept.

Apparently, Daddy wasn't hungry. . . 

The Girls + Kate =4

We got to experience what it would be like to have four girls last week.  Baby Kate came to visit while her parents were on business in DC.  She was such a delight, a perfect match for our family.  She kept to our schedule, was surprisingly independent, and added a pleasant new distraction for our girls.  We loved every minute of it.

What was interesting, was that my girls grew up in seconds.  Kate is just over two and made my girls seem so big!  Lila took on a leadership role and showed Kate around.  Lila loved to take part in diaper changes and felt it necessary to tell everyone, "Babies stink" when the diaper was opened.  It was so cute to see her step out of the youngest role.  Adeline, seemed so tall when standing next to Kate.  They weigh the same but Kate helped me see that Adeline is working on vertical yardage.  Savannah impressed me the most.  She was a mommy.  She got Kate her drinks and snacks, found her appropriate toys and changed her diapers.  I was floored when she came down stairs and told me that she put Kate down for a nap.  She had found her binki and blanket, pulled the shades, lifted all 26 pounds of her into her pack and play, and turned her noise maker on.  Too bad Savannah wasn't this able when the twins were little.  The extra set of hands is very useful.

The One and Only Thomas Puzzle

After carrying around her Thomas puzzle, sleeping with it and coercing anyone who visits to do it with her, Adeline finally completed it on her own.  All 35 pieces dumped from the box were put together all by The Belle.

It just goes to show that she has the perfect balance of determination and patience.  This puzzle used to be very hard for her as she started trying to conquer it at a much too early age.   Pulling it out a couple months ago put the goal of completion within reach.  Alex and I were both pretty shocked when we sat back and watched her do it yesterday.  They only thing that doesn't translate in the picture is her commentary.  "Oh, oh, I see it.  I see it.  I got.  It goes right there.  Okay."  Pretty cute when said in her joyful, raspy voice.

We have a few more 35 piece puzzles for her to master but after that she will join Savannah in the 100 piece club.  Come to think of it, Savannah didn't do half bad helping me and Aunt Natalie work on a 1000 piece puzzle a few weeks ago.  Hmmm, is there a puzzle gene?

Miss Lila (continued)

Well, interestingly enough, we didn't get to keep our appointment with the behavioral therapist.  Adeline was graced with a round of violent puking the night before.  But that isn't really the point of this post.

Ever since I posted, my husband thinks too honestly, about Lila, I have had my baby girl at the forefront of my brain.  It seems that putting it in writing made our difficulties more real which only feeds my desire get it "right" when it comes to parenting her.  Alex wanted me to take my post down for a couple of reasons.  First, there a select few people who view Lila in a less than positive light and he worries that the post will only contribute to those feelings.  So be it, I say.  I can't worry about people who place questionable judgment on a three year old.  Second, he worries that we are creating a reputation for Lila.  I don't feel that way.   I don't think three year old behavior should play into long term reputations.  Shouldn't children get more leeway than that?  Just because Miss Grace kicks and screams, "No," now, does not mean she will be throwing desks at her teachers and yelling profanities when she is fifteen.  Please appreciate the humor here.  So, I leave the post up and my main reason in doing so is for me.  I need to see where we stand today and give myself the gift of looking back on today, two months from now.  Although things are tough, I believe we will have made progress two, four and six months from now.  If not, then we need to reconsider our efforts. 

 After putting my "Lila thoughts" to keyboard late Tuesday night, I found myself  presented with a surprisingly happy and smiling Lila the next morning.  The twins are not allowed out of their beds without permission which has never really been an issue.  Early Tuesday morning, I was checking my email and hear little footsteps behind me.  I assumed it was Savannah looking over my shoulder.  When I turned, I saw the most smiley and bright eyed Lila waiting to be noticed.  I don't think she knew that getting out her bed in the morning was a no-no so I didn't make a big deal out of it.  Instead, I took advantage of the hugs and snuggles she had to offer which are very rare on school day mornings.  How amazing it was to be "filled up" by Lila first thing in my morning when typically, we are engaged in dressing wars.  Later that day, we found some quality one on one time and I was able to see her many gifts.  She is the girl of 100 funny faces, unexpected kisses, and laughs that are contagious.  She can be amazingly helpful - when she wants to, and is so proud of the help she gives.  We went to dance class and I was the only mom that got the waves and the, "Aren't you so proud of me and all my cuteness?" smiles.  It seemed to be one of the days where the public took interest in Lila telling me how beautiful she was.  I believe she is absolutely beautiful, both inside and out.  I just have the on-going responsibility of helping her channel her spirited personality into something beautiful.  As a good friend told me, "God will take care of shaping her heart."  I just have to work to provide her the skills, resources, and boundaries to showcase His works in my little girl.

When Our Best Isn't Good Enough

That is where Alex and I stand when parenting Miss Grace.  We have tried a number of strategies, prayed for patience,  bit our tongues in order to not yell (failed a few times on that one), and continue to walk a way with our hands thrown up in the air.   Alex and I look at each other in exasperation and disbelief.  How is it that we don't know how to parent Lila Grace?

We love Miss Grace dearly but her behavior is awful.  She continues to rock this family and, unfortunately, pull the worst out of all of us, including herself.  When she is being what we call, "nice" she is golden, helpful and ever so sweet.  When she is refuses to be nice, she is angry, yelling, and destructing.

Every day starts with a defiant, burying herself in a chair, Lila when asked to take her pull-up off and go potty.  She refuses, no matter the consequence.  We have to drag her into the bathroom while she kicks and screams, hold her up as she is trying to go limp, and pull her clothes off.  Once on the potty, she is screaming mad.  Typically, I walk away and tell her she can't come out until she goes.  Once closing the door, I hear the kicking and flipping of stools, yelling and general pissed offness (yes, that is a word when referring to my baby girl).  I usually have to get Adeline and Savannah to the point of going downstairs for breakfast before Lila will budge.  She comes out and says she is going to be nice but will do the exact same thing all over again when asked to put on her panties and pants.  She just refuses to oblige any of my requests.

The above scenario is repeated before naps, after naps and when getting ready for bed.  They center around dressing and undressing, something she can do but won't.  The kicking, screaming, and defiance leaves me with such frustration.  No matter what we try, if she doesn't want to do it, she WON'T.  To add even more fuel to the angry fire, these falling out sessions usually happen a couple more times a day about something random that Lila doesn't want to submit to.

Today, she threw a spoonful of cereal across the kitchen and when her breakfast was taken away, she chucked a stuffed animal off of a desk and then got into a fight with my kitchen area rug.  She is oddly destructive when mad.

So what to do?  Alex and I walk on eggshells, try hard to make the predicted routines that fail, fun and different.   At this point and time, being Lila's parent is agonizing because every night I go to bed feeling like I have failed.  I worry that she doesn't feel loved - A LOT.   I worry about how I look to my other two daughters when dealing with Lila.  I know I have the mean, mad, ugly face that I remember seeing on adults when I was a kid.  I promised I would never be that parent.  We don't hit (I have succumbed to swatting her bottom a couple of times which has really sent me into self persecution), we try very hard to use an even tone, and praise her as much as we know how.  Our other two kids mind blissfully well.  What happened with child number three?  Yeah, yeah. . . I have heard many a parent tell me how there is always a tough one in the bunch.  I just think this more than tough. 

We are very worried about the relationship we are building with Lila.  This worry has forced us to seek help.  Wish us luck. . . we meet with a behavioral therapist tomorrow.  Hopefully, our quest to parent Lila in the way she needs will start then.  My fingers, legs and toes are all crossed.

Birds

While eating dinner tonight, we watched hungry birds attack Adeline's pine cone bird feeder.   The girls had so much to say and point out about the birds.  Some were big, some were aggressive and some were blue.  I sat there trying to figure out all that was being said as it is still very difficult for the girls to articulate correctly.   The girls also are limited in their speech.  Adeline is making leaps and bounds but still has yet to be 100% conversational.  She will talk, talk, talk, about something and then quickly be diverted onto something else.  Lila is has more problems with articulation but doesn't seem to be moving forward in her sentence structure.  At least, not like I think she should be. 

Back to the birds. . . Lila Grace saw something that really got her excited and looked to me and started telling me something about birds.  She kept getting tripped up two words in and then. . . her enthusiasm disappeared.  She looked at me with frustrated eyes and said, "It is too hard talk me."  I asked her, "Is talking hard for you?"  "Yes, she says," nodding her head.  That breaks my heart. 

Why is it so hard and how can her brain be so far ahead of her speech that she has identified her weakness and knows she just can't express her thoughts at times.