We are currently at my parent's house and Savannah and I are staying in my old bedroom. In this bedroom there is a collage of my graduation pictures. I have caught Savannah eying them each night. Last night, she burst into tears after I had tucked her in and left the room. I ran downstairs as I was confident she had hurt herself. Hurt herself she did. I just wasn't expecting a broken heart. She told me she was so sad because she was thinking about when she grows up and leaves me. I was floored. To be honest, I almost started crying myself. I told her we could always be together and that she never has to leave me.
Fast forward to tonight. Savannah starts crying when standing in front of the same pictures. We replay the above conversation but this time she adds, "I am sad because I think I might want to leave you when I grow up." It is like she has realized that part of growing up means flying the nest. As much as the thought breaks my heart, I think it hurts her even more. I tried to calm her and told her that we could live next door if she feels the need to leave me. It didn't really work but lessened her anxiety to some degree.
Alex says that he remembers the day he realized that all people die, including himself. I guess that really freaked him out pretty bad for a few days. He thinks this is pretty similar. I don't know, but what I wish is that it would no longer be the center of her thoughts.
I think it was an ah-hah moment for both of us. Is this child really going to leave someday? She is the light of my life and I can't bare even thinking of it.
