We are going to pound the pavement next Saturday in order to raise money and awareness for the March of Dimes. Their organization played direct role in the twins' lives. Without their contributions that funded the research for surfactant, my Adeline would not be with us today. The same could have been true for Lila Grace. I sit here today and try to imagine my world without my baby girls. I can't wrap my head around how devastating that world would be.
I remember very little of Adeline's birth - my eyes were closed until she was out and being worked on by the NICU doctors. I wanted to see her but all I saw was more than twenty pairs of scrubs surrounding my one pound baby. I kept repeating, "She has a name. Please God, let her live, she has a name." She was my baby, a life, a life that I so desperately wanted to live. While I was chanting my incoherent thoughts, Dr. Chang was ventilating my baby girl and administering surfactant inside her tiny lungs.
By the grace of God and modern day research, both of my girls are alive and thriving. We are the lucky ones. I don't know why we were chosen to carry our babies out of the NICU when so many others never get to take their babies home. I struggle with this thought frequently.
As we gear up for our walk next weekend, please feel free to join in. There is a fund raising button on the side of this blog. A big thanks to our very generous donors thus far. We would love for you to lift us up next weekend as we walk. It is an emotional experience. It is a time when we are forced to face what "could have been" which leaves me holding my girls close to me while my heart swells with gratitude.
Here is our story. . .
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sisterly Love
I dropped Adeline at Sunday School first today while Alex took Lila to the bathroom. When walking Lila into Sunday School, she seemed hesitant. Possibly, because Adeline was already in and settled in a chair. When I directed Lila Grace to sit down, she told me, "No, I want to snuggle my sister." She then snuggled up to Adeline and put her head on her shoulder. Adeline responded with, "Lila Grace, you sit right there." Lila reiterated to Adeline that she wanted to snuggle her. So. . . Adeline, the one who doesn't like a lot of touch from siblings or friends, kept on coloring while Lila was attached to her side. It was very sweet.
Why Boys Don't Wear Shirts
Luckily this conversation happened in the car. I didn't have to look Savannah in the eye which helped hide my embarrassment.
S: Why do boys take their shirts off when the exercise outside?
Me: The don't always. (trying to avoid)
S: But why do they do it sometimes?
Me: So that they don't get too hot. (still trying to avoid)
S: How come they can do it but girls can't?
Me: (Is she really asking me this. Hmm. . . do I tell her the truth. Deep breath) Sweetie, have you ever heard anyone mention the word breasts or boobs?
S: No
Me: (Thinking I could have used a little help here from Savannah's friend department.) Well when girls get older, their breast start to grow and that is why Mommies wear bras. (Am I really talking about this with my 6 year old?) Do you know what I am talking about?
S: Yes. Why do you have to wear a bra when your breasts grow?
Me: (Thinking that my lack of a rack doesn't help in the support explanation) Well, women don't want people to see their breasts and bras help keep them covered up.
S: But I still don't know why don't boys have to keep their shirts on?
Me: They don't grow breasts. The reason why girls don't take their shirts off is because that part of our bodies is considered a private part. Did you know that?
S: Yes, like no one should see it or touch it except your family like when you are changing clothes or something.
Me: Yes, that is right. So boys can take their shirts off because that isn't considered a private part of their body.
S: Well why can they take their shirts off when exercising outside but not when they are exercising inside at the Y?
Me: I don't know, that is just the way it is. (always taking it one step further so that I can't give a good answer on the spot)
I guess I can check off one of many uncomfortable conversations I will have my girls.
S: Why do boys take their shirts off when the exercise outside?
Me: The don't always. (trying to avoid)
S: But why do they do it sometimes?
Me: So that they don't get too hot. (still trying to avoid)
S: How come they can do it but girls can't?
Me: (Is she really asking me this. Hmm. . . do I tell her the truth. Deep breath) Sweetie, have you ever heard anyone mention the word breasts or boobs?
S: No
Me: (Thinking I could have used a little help here from Savannah's friend department.) Well when girls get older, their breast start to grow and that is why Mommies wear bras. (Am I really talking about this with my 6 year old?) Do you know what I am talking about?
S: Yes. Why do you have to wear a bra when your breasts grow?
Me: (Thinking that my lack of a rack doesn't help in the support explanation) Well, women don't want people to see their breasts and bras help keep them covered up.
S: But I still don't know why don't boys have to keep their shirts on?
Me: They don't grow breasts. The reason why girls don't take their shirts off is because that part of our bodies is considered a private part. Did you know that?
S: Yes, like no one should see it or touch it except your family like when you are changing clothes or something.
Me: Yes, that is right. So boys can take their shirts off because that isn't considered a private part of their body.
S: Well why can they take their shirts off when exercising outside but not when they are exercising inside at the Y?
Me: I don't know, that is just the way it is. (always taking it one step further so that I can't give a good answer on the spot)
I guess I can check off one of many uncomfortable conversations I will have my girls.
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