After visiting the behavior therapist, we learned that Lila Grace is an escape artist. Her very poor behavior, sometimes destructive behavior, followed a pattern. First, we ask Lila to do something. That something could be get dressed, go potty, or get ready for a nap. These requests would send Lila kicking, screaming, and throwing. She would run, yell, and find something she could destroy. Often, she would throw books off of a shelf, dump a glass of water, or knock everything off of the coffee table. The destruction would immediately grab our attention while we were grabbing her. Alex and I would force her to fix what she made wrong. It wasn't until after we fixed it that we would go back to the initial request. Ultimately, Lila escaped the request and bought herself time. She took control of the situation.
We were instructed to ignore the destructive behavior and follow through with the original request. After an initial defiance, Alex and I are to say, "Try again Lila," and give her a brief amount of time to oblige. If she doesn't submit to the request, we physically use hand-over-hand. For the non-therapy folk out there, it is taking a child's hand and making me them do something. An example would be taking her hands and forcing her to take her pants off, or forcing her to walk up stairs by carrying her so that her feet drag along the steps. Children HATE this, and, truthfully, so do I. But it works!!! The hardest part is to not loose patience while having to ignore the destructive behavior that, for example, leaves 100 beads thrown about the living room.
The results are amazing but not perfect. For the most part, Lila got the message that the destructive behavior wasn't going to change anything and that mommy and daddy were going to force her to do what they were asking. No more escaping!
The strangest part in all of this is that Lila has become unrecognizable in terms of behavior over the last two weeks. I don't think I can give our new strategy all the credit for this amazing change. There were still moments of complete defiance after it was implemented. I think the strategy coincided with a little maturity. I would even buy into a behavior fairy at this point because Miss Grace has turned into the most willing and patient little girl. She often answers my request with an "Okay Mommy!" She loves to carry out the requests in front of me and say, "Watch Mommy, watch. I make you so happy." Happy I am! Her positive changed has giving her the opportunity to showcase her sweet and thoughtful side. An example of this sweetness is when she comes up to me and rubs me and kisses my cheek. It is followed by an, "I like Mommy." She is the first one to tell me that something is "fine" or "okay" when my tone starts to sound stressed. It is amazing what she picks up on when she isn't the cause of the change in tone or stress. Lila is also willing to TRY, something that has always set her off in the past. She will try to put her shoes on, try her coat, and try to do her car seat straps. Her perseverance is thriving due to this change in behavior.
What is most noteworthy is the face I see on my little girl. She is all smiles and love. That, in turn, puts a smile on my face and inevitably has changes the tone of this house. Behavioral therapist, maturity or dumb luck, I don't really care. I just care that the change has come.
