Lila Grace is a true toddler. She engages in silly games, throws tantrums, follows directions and is becoming much more self reliant. Adeline, on the other hand, is not. Yes, she is making progress and at times, tremendous progress. She is beginning to walk, stand up without assistance, babble more and bring things to me to do for her. However, this is far behind where she should be. There are many times when is zoned out, not responding to her name and acts as if she has no idea what you are talking about. She can't touch grass, loose ribbons, and falls apart when hearing the vacuum, blender or lawn mower. There are days when she lights up and others where she seems to just go through the motions. One day she will eat (finger feed) and for the next three she will throw a fit in her highchair. What does it all mean?
Just recently Alex and I had an Autism scare. He brought it up and I refuted it. A day later I was panicked and talking to everyone who knows Adeline, asking their opinion. The consensus, not Autism, not yet at least. I feel good about that but realize that Alex and I both are wavering in our belief of normalcy. We, as do her therapists, believe it is still within reach. However, we are more concerned than ever.
I critique her more, push her harder, and work her to the point of frustration. I don't know who is more frustrated, me, her or her sisters sitting on the sidelines. I guess I am ready for the diagnosis, if is there is going to be one. I finally understand those parents who find comfort in a diagnosis. I never really got that before. But after almost two years of worry, I just want to know! What does the future hold. Will she mainstream? Will she go to college? Will she marry? Not that she has to do these things, I just want her to have the choice.
Like all parents, I want to give her to world. After all, that is what she gave me. She taught me to believe in miracles. She is the unbelievable. I get the privilege to watch her grow and develop, defying so many odds. I want the same for her. I want her to know what it is love deeply, hope with every ounce of her soul and understand that God gave her life!
Oh, Miss Bellie Merellie, when are we going to know?
Learning how to go down the slide on her belly at a Gymboree birthday party!
