Before heading out, we took Savannah to meet Teacher Michelle who will be her Kindergarten teacher at West Chester Friends. At a later date, I will provide the details that surrounded our decision of sending Savannah to private school, but for now, I have my fingers crossed that this is the perfect school for our sweet, kind, and academic girl.
After spending a heavenly weekend with Savannah, I am in awe of how amazing she truly is. (I am a teary mess and am going to try to get my thoughts down here but there isn't a guarantee that it will make sense.) Never in a million years did I dream of Savannah when pregnant. I guess I didn't know that Savannahs existed. This child is remarkably kind, sensitive of other's feelings, and bright. She is everything I would have I would have chosen if choosing was an option. Never once have I seen defiance or a tantrum - honest to goodness! She was our rock when the twins were in the NICU and has continued to carry me through hard times. Over the past two years, Savannah has become my best friend. Without Daddy to see us through our days, Savannah and I have become extremely close. She tells me at least ten times a day that she loves me and feels lucky to have me as her mother. I try to explain that raising her is an honor but know that she won't quite get it until she, herself, is a mother.
I remember the first time held Savannah. It was a few hours after I had her via c-section. While laying there in the OR and looking at this baby across the way, I was filled with confusion. There wasn't a bond, a touch, or any connection. Two hours later Alex handed her to me and I pressed her up against my cheek. We stayed like that for quite awhile. It was that first touch that made me a Mommy. Her touch is imprinted on my cheek and I can still feel it to this day. I always tell Savannah that she is my dream come true. I always dreamed of becoming a mother and after long and difficult road, Savannah made that dream a reality.
So how do I send this amazing little girl off to Kindergarten? I'm not quite sure. I tucked her into bed to night and read her a tearful version of The Kissing Hand. As tears streamed down my cheeks I realized that I needed a kissing hand more than she. Our girl is ready for Kindergarten and excited about her new teacher, friends, and school. I don't see tears, fear, or apprehension. I am the one with the void and tears. For tomorrow, I will bravely walk her to her classroom door, kiss her goodbye and pray that Teacher Michelle recognizes Savannah's many gifts. This is yet one more step of letting go.
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