Four Years Ago. . .

I was pregnant and happy for the very last time.  The next day, I headed into the doctor's office and was told my baby Adeline would never be born alive. 

Four years ago, was my last day to be the giddy mommy that was expecting twins.  I enjoyed telling people, when asked, that I was expecting two baby girls.  I had fun choosing names, dreaming of the nursery, and getting our new house in order for their anticipated arrival.  It was fun to be me! 

It has been four years now.  It doesn't feel that long but when I look at my life from the outsider's view, I see how far we have moved from those very dark days.  Those dark days stay in my heart.  Being told that my child was going to die, forever changed me. 

Today, I had a chance (not unlike many other days) to appreciate and marvel at what was never supposed to be.  After church, we had a home day.  The girls played and played.  They really play so nicely together!  Alex and I sat back and listened to their conversations and watched their playful and sweet interactions.  Adeline and Lila were inseparable today. 

One of the sweeter moments took place at the piano.  Adeline was the designated piano player and Lila the singer.  They turned the pages of Savannah's piano book, stopping briefly to play and sing about whatever picture they saw.  If it was caterpillars, Lila would sing, "Caterpillars - Baby Einstein (Adeline's favorite caterpillar)" over and over again.  Soon the page would flip and the words would change but the tune did not.  The girls sat and did this for a good half hour.  As seen in the video below, they would ask each other about the picture if they didn't know what it was.  Adeline keeps asking Lila if the fire is a firework (something she is currently terrified of) and Lila reassures her that it is just fire.  They both are unsure about the Native American.  Once Adeline turns the page, you can hear Lila switch the words to, "Santa's sleigh," which isn't half bad since the song was, "Jingle Bells."

It is hard to express what these moments mean.  They are the essence of everything we thought we were losing four years ago.  They were the moments that were too hard to think about because twins were no longer in our future.  Today was the day I dreamed of, and only by the grace of God, did I receive.

You really have to turn the volume up the hear their conversation