When Our Best Isn't Good Enough

That is where Alex and I stand when parenting Miss Grace.  We have tried a number of strategies, prayed for patience,  bit our tongues in order to not yell (failed a few times on that one), and continue to walk a way with our hands thrown up in the air.   Alex and I look at each other in exasperation and disbelief.  How is it that we don't know how to parent Lila Grace?

We love Miss Grace dearly but her behavior is awful.  She continues to rock this family and, unfortunately, pull the worst out of all of us, including herself.  When she is being what we call, "nice" she is golden, helpful and ever so sweet.  When she is refuses to be nice, she is angry, yelling, and destructing.

Every day starts with a defiant, burying herself in a chair, Lila when asked to take her pull-up off and go potty.  She refuses, no matter the consequence.  We have to drag her into the bathroom while she kicks and screams, hold her up as she is trying to go limp, and pull her clothes off.  Once on the potty, she is screaming mad.  Typically, I walk away and tell her she can't come out until she goes.  Once closing the door, I hear the kicking and flipping of stools, yelling and general pissed offness (yes, that is a word when referring to my baby girl).  I usually have to get Adeline and Savannah to the point of going downstairs for breakfast before Lila will budge.  She comes out and says she is going to be nice but will do the exact same thing all over again when asked to put on her panties and pants.  She just refuses to oblige any of my requests.

The above scenario is repeated before naps, after naps and when getting ready for bed.  They center around dressing and undressing, something she can do but won't.  The kicking, screaming, and defiance leaves me with such frustration.  No matter what we try, if she doesn't want to do it, she WON'T.  To add even more fuel to the angry fire, these falling out sessions usually happen a couple more times a day about something random that Lila doesn't want to submit to.

Today, she threw a spoonful of cereal across the kitchen and when her breakfast was taken away, she chucked a stuffed animal off of a desk and then got into a fight with my kitchen area rug.  She is oddly destructive when mad.

So what to do?  Alex and I walk on eggshells, try hard to make the predicted routines that fail, fun and different.   At this point and time, being Lila's parent is agonizing because every night I go to bed feeling like I have failed.  I worry that she doesn't feel loved - A LOT.   I worry about how I look to my other two daughters when dealing with Lila.  I know I have the mean, mad, ugly face that I remember seeing on adults when I was a kid.  I promised I would never be that parent.  We don't hit (I have succumbed to swatting her bottom a couple of times which has really sent me into self persecution), we try very hard to use an even tone, and praise her as much as we know how.  Our other two kids mind blissfully well.  What happened with child number three?  Yeah, yeah. . . I have heard many a parent tell me how there is always a tough one in the bunch.  I just think this more than tough. 

We are very worried about the relationship we are building with Lila.  This worry has forced us to seek help.  Wish us luck. . . we meet with a behavioral therapist tomorrow.  Hopefully, our quest to parent Lila in the way she needs will start then.  My fingers, legs and toes are all crossed.