You'll Never Know

. . .how much I love you until you have your own baby.   At least that is what I tell Savannah.  I certainly didn't get the depth of my mother's love until I held Savannah in my arms.  But, for some reason, I think Savannah gets it to some degree.  She operates on another level and takes love so seriously.  She understands when Alex and I tell her all we want for Christmas is love.  She even goes as far as wrapping nothing, well not nothing, and after opening it, Alex and I smile because we know it is "love" and we know it is real!  Savannah requests family days where we hang at home and snuggle/love each other.

Savannah puts love first.  She is that kid.  Love rules her life.  I often find her holding Adeline's hand while they are eating dinner at the table.  She stops to kiss her sisters on their foreheads in mid-play.  What other siblings do you see doing that?  And, what is most striking is that she is more concerned that you are happy or that you love something because, in the end, she is just happy that you are happy.  Today, we were talking about clothing.  We had stopped by Land's End in hopes of finding some cute spring clothes because where else does one shop for a girl this size?  I didn't like much of what I saw.  While driving away, Savannah mentioned that she liked something and I told her that was good.  She countered with, "Well it is more important that you like what I wear than me liking it."  Isn't this supposed to go the other way at this age?  Isn't she supposed to fight me or push the boundaries in clothing?  Well, if you have seen my sweet girl or looked at her closet, she is a proud conservative.  Maybe today I gained some insight as to why this isn't the case.  Maybe she knows I like cute and comfy so she does too because she wants me to love what she wears.  I guess I don't really believe that is why she is conservative, or shall I say on the younger side in her appearances.  I think she is just uniquely young at heart.  Regardless, it goes to show that she still puts me and my opinions first.

To top it all off, Savannah loves me in a way that I never thought possible.  I feel it growing deeper with each day, on BOTH sides.  While she is growing up and finding bits and pieces of independence here and there, she continues to push the love envelope daily.  Today, when pulling into the parking lot, the whole family in the car, Savannah asks, "Mommy, can I come up and give you a hug before you get out of the car?"  What seven year old wants life to stand still so she can take time out to hug her Mommy.  Out of the blue, she felt the need to shower me with her love.  One of her latest tricks is writing messages of love on address labels and placing them on items that Alex and I use daily.  They are stuck to our shoes, my purse and often our backs.  Yesterday, we found the valentine below hidden in our bed.  Today, I found a beautiful winter poem in the same place.

Savannah gave me my greatest gift.  She made me a mom and with each day, she fills me with love and deepens my gratitude.  I just don't think life gets better than this!  And yes, most say, "Enjoy it while it lasts.  She won't always care what you think etc."  But if you know my girl, you know she is different. 

Double click to read. . .

So Sweet

I can't get enough of Savannah when I see her bundled up.  Each morning she leaves the house in her hat, scarf, gloves and coat.  She is wearing it all when I pick her up at the end of her day as well.  I love the way she ties her scarf around her neck - always.  It just seems to fit her sweet personality.  I love how she can put all if it on without any help! 

With a day out of school for a doctor appointment followed by two snow days, I have had a lot of time with my big girl.  She is still the sweet Savannah that I have always felt very lucky to raise.  There are moments when she shows she is growing up and has less patience with her sisters and doesn't always bend over backwards to ALWAYS do the right thing.  But I guess it is part of the natural progression of growing up.   Overall, Savannah still leaves me in awe when I compare her to other kids.  She is unique.  She NEVER defies us and NEVER says anything mean.  This girl is so easy to raise.  Academics come very easy, compassion rules her heart and "sweet" is how everyone describes her.

I am so darn lucky to be her mom.  Given the choice, she still chooses to spend time with me over anyone else.  I cherish this as I continue to tell myself that it won't last forever.  Most of her friends would choose a play date over a Mommy date.  But I have the girl that told me just today, she wants to go to college somewhere close to home so she can come home everyday.  And, if she does get married, she wanted to know if she and her husband can live with me.  I told her, "Of course!"  This girl can't leave me.  I can't bare the thought of it.

I love you sweet girl!!

Winter Wallop 2011

Round one. . .

This looks much like the pictures I posted a year ago. I feel the need to document storms such as this one because the kids find it awfully fun to stand taller than the mailbox. Even Miss Adeline became Queen of the Mountain this time. The unfamiliar faces are Savannah's friends from school that were able to join us on our second snow day in a row.

While Daddy has wasted at least 5 hours shoveling during the past two days, the kids have taken full advantage of the time outdoors. Miss Lila still spends 90% of the time eating the snow!

Round two. . . (15 inches later)

Duet

They may not finish each others' sentences but they compliment each other when singing a duet.  It is a made up tune with some pretty funny/random lyrics that are not without God and Mary. 

I love Adeline's low note used for "airplanes."

She Did It

While driving home from the pool tonight, Savannah  reminded me that she needed to give her $100.00 to the children in Africa.  She has been saving up for a year.  Savannah hasn't spent on dime on herself during that time.  There have been many moments in the store when I encouraged her to use a couple dollars on herself when I am asked to buy her something.  She refuses and happily walks away from whatever it was she wanted.  Do I need to mention that I am pretty proud of her?

Next, she tells me, are kids in America.  She has recognized the need in our own country and so starts the saving of the next $100.00.  I love her compassion.  My girl has decided that she is saving the world one child at a time!

Medical Records

Over the holidays, Alex and I began the daunting task of organizing the girls' medical records into binders. We started with Adeline first, hoping to get the worst part over. It was a shock to the system when we were done organizing the paperwork into piles of separate disciplines. She has seen geneticists, feeding specialists, cardiologists etc. The list goes on and on. I had forgotten that I took her to the top doc in our area for orthopedics. He is nationally recognized and is the "it" guy for Cerebral Palsy.

When reviewing his summary report I found this:

I feel this is a girl who has developmental delay and does have some very mild increased tone. It is not clear to me that this girl will have a substantial motor palsy, and with the progress she has made, I have told the mother that it is very difficult to predict and that the range may be from her not being able to develop independent walking ability, meaning she will have to use crutches or walker. However, I feel more likely she will develop excellent independent walking ability and may be close to normal.

The summary then goes on to state that he would need to see her at two years of age to have a reasonable prediction. Although he backed a very disturbing outcome with that of a more favorable one, you don't have to ask which one lurks in the back of a parent's mind.

My point in bringing this to light is recognize how far we ALL have come. I almost don't remember the pain of being on pins and needles EVERY day while I wondered if Adeline would walk. I must admit that the above appointment was a blow to my optimism because I was looking for a "she will walk!" I was very frustrated that after being in the field for 50 years, this doctor couldn't give me a definitive answer. Those were such dark days. Dark with worry.

While at the pool tonight, I thought of this report and my heart sang. My girls were jumping in the pool, going underwater and for the first time, Adeline was learning to glide - a precursor to swimming. Walk she does, run she does (albeit slow), and swim she will.

My girls rock!

I didn't get the glides on video but here is a clip of Alex trying to teach Adeline to jump up and out off of the bench. I still can't believe she goes underwater.

Winter is Here!

Winter has finally settled into the Northeast.  We have had snow on the ground for a good week now.  With it comes snow pants, boots, gloves, very large coats strapped in five point harnesses and hats.  Not my preferred apparel but boy, the snow has been fun.

After the first real snow, we went sledding as a family. . . sans camera (I know, very unlike me).  What a wonderful time it was.  Miss I don't like to hang in the snow Adeline, fell in love with the white stuff and even came down on the sled solo.  How many times do you think I type, "What a difference a year makes?"  Lila, like last year, spends the entire time shoveling the snow into her mouth which creates a love hate relationship - mainly love.  Lila can't keep her mouth off of it and end eventually, it just becomes too cold.  When it comes to sledding, Lila is a daredevil.  She tried a hill that Savannah has never gone down solo without much coaxing.  Lila plopped her bundled bottom down on the sled and was off.  She went way too fast for my liking and I was thinking that I wish she had a helmet on.  After completeing the very bumpy and fast ride, I was sure I was going to hear crying.  Instead, it was pure joy and laughter.  DARE DEVIL! 

This year, Lila isn't the one that lingers outside, it is astoundingly Adeline.  She thought it was great fun to ride her scooter on the driveway while practicing to be a stunt double on some pretty impressive crashes into the snow.  Need I say, very unlike the Belle?

Today, we woke up to ice, ice and more ice.  School was canceled and the trees were bent over like 90 year old ladies.  The snow was crisp and crunchy and icicles were abundant.  It was the perfect recipe for the girls to spend some time outdoors.  All three of them love to eat ice.  Icicles are even better.  They had fun discovering how ice forms an all different surfaces.  They found the frozen layer on top of the snow curious and Savannah found some pretty neat designs on the ice that formed on the plants and playhouse.  I have to say it was pretty impressive.  So was shoveling the driveway.  That took much longer than expected but had to be done if we are to get out in the morning.  Once shoveled, it became the perfect place to ride all of our summer toys.

Goodbye Grammy and Papa

We had another great holiday season with Grammy and Papa.

The girls adore them, Savannah especially. It was really hard for the big girl to say goodbye because she knew there were so many things she was going to miss about them staying in the house. The tears from Savannah started flowing a week in advance because she is now old enough to know how hard the goodbye is going to be.

Surprisingly, Miss Lila had a breakdown the night before departure. I was surprised to see her authentically heartbroken upon realizing that Grammy and Papa were going to go back to their house. I expected her to be sad the day of but not to breakdown in a restaurant the night before.

As a mother, it is very painful to watch broken hearts play out before my eyes, knowing there is nothing I can do to make it better. So, we sucked it up, dropped them off at the airport, shed too many tears and opted for a Home Depot distraction on the way home. For a store we never frequent, my girls had a great time!! It was just what we needed.

A week later, we are back to normal, tears have subsided and we are enjoying being a family unit once again.

Belated Happy Anniversary and New Year!

I am trying to catch up here. . .

Let's see, there have been a few notable occasions.  Alex and I celebrated our 10th year anniversary.  Time flies once you have kids!!  I can't believe it was ten years ago that we exchanged vows and laid the foundation of what would eventually turn into our family five. 

In keeping with her tradition, Savannah threw us a surprise anniversary celebration.  It was postponed until New Year's Day, a Saturday, which made things easier.  She had the evening to prepare the house with Grammy and Papa because Alex and I were out welcoming the New Year with our dear friends, Melissa and Byron. 

I think I thought it was ten years ago because back then I could handle this. . . .

much better than I can now.  Holy headache and tiredness!!!

Back to our celebration. . . Luckily, the kids let us sleep but, eventually, we were awakened by a very excited seven year old.  She had decorated the house with various crafts she had been making since summer!!  I had no idea that she had been working on this.  First, we were taken downstairs for gifts and confetti.  Savannah kept to her handmade theme and drew us a beautiful picture of our wedding day.  She framed it and presented it to both Alex and I.   She read us cards that were ever so sweet and then showered us with tinsel. Next, we all were seated in the dinning room for a spread of french toast and fruit.  Although, I was feeling it from the night before, my heart was warmed with love by my big girl.  She is just so darn sweet!

Savannah and Grammy pulled off another anniversary to remember.

Here is a sign Savannah made this summer.  It is amazingly sweet but she was a little embarrassed by all of the words she misspelled when she reread it six months later.

Christmas Morning

I loved watching my girls come downstairs Christmas morning.  I love how they don't go screaming down the stairs and start tearing into everything.  All three took a look at their stockings but were also very interested in pointing out goodies that Santa left for their sisters.  It was calm and peaceful.

All three were very content and grateful for what they received.  Although there were many presents wrapped and under the real tree, the girls were happy to just hang in the living room and play with and admire their new things left by Santa.  I think it is more the idea that Santa left them something and not about what was left.

In my book, this is another baby step away from intense focus on gifts and more towards celebrating with one another.  If I had it my way, the gift giving would begin and end with the stockings.  The materialism that this holiday exudes is such a slippery slope.  Why must Christmas involve piles of gifts??  Over the past two years we have consciously chipped away at the piles of gifts we give our girls.  We currently give each girl three gifts and then the sisters give to each other.  Maybe next year we can take it down to one gift from the parents. . .  I really don't think the girls would even notice.

Another route we could take in order to steer clear of the materialistic slip-n-slide is a philosophy that Savannah adopted this year.  Savannah prided herself in a handmade Christmas.  I must disclose that this is in large due to the fact that she goes to a Quaker school.  Quakers are all about simple pleasures.  Thus, a handmade Christmas placemat (that you can use every Christmas Mommy) and special woven coaster were the treasures that Alex and I found when opening our gifts from Savannah.  We loved it.  Savannah's love spoke right to my heart this Christmas day.  She is an amazingly selfless girl and repeatedly told me that opening gifts wasn't her favorite part of Christmas.  Savannah also mentioned that she didn't care how many gifts she received because spending money on our three adopted children in Africa was more important than buying toys.

Ahemm. . . need I say more about piles of gifts? 

While I promote a less materialist Christmas, I must admit that I enjoyed seeing my children delight in the day. Here they are coming downstairs Christmas morning. As stated above, I thought this was a rather calm and peaceful morning considering there were three very excited children in the house.



In the end, Goldfish crackers in the stockings are biggest hit anyway.  Who needs toys after all.

 

For the materialistic record, this was the year of. . .

Trains for Adeline - is there any other kind of toy for this girl?

Ducks, ducks, ducks, and the Duck Princess

LEGOS for Miss Savannah. Don't think for a minute that the 12+ on the box held her up in the building process either.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is the pinnacle of the holiday season for my family.  It isn't the day we open gifts but it is the day we carry out our annual traditions.  I feel that we have succeeded in making the holiday about the time we spend together as a family and the birth of Christ.  Our season comes to a head on Christmas Eve when our family pulls out our nicer clothes, snaps some pictures, attends church, feeds the reindeer and bakes cookies for Santa - yes, we do it on our fancy dresses!.   I was absolutely amazed that my girls turned down the option of opening one gift. They were much more excited to engage in all of the other activities.  I silently rejoiced!!

Our Greatest Christmas Gift

There are so many emotions tied up in Christmas.  There is the typical excitement and stress but, for our family, it goes much deeper.  We are called to reflect on Adeline.  She came home from the NICU on Christmas Day 2006 and she will always be my greatest Christmas gift.  I rarely get through Christmas without "feeling it" all over again.  Christmas Eve service drums up an overwhelming amount of emotions - especially when we sing "Silent Night" in candlelight.  It reminds me of the long, dark and quiet ride home from the NICU four years ago.   I didn't  know how to care for this baby, feel loved by this baby or how to take a leap of faith and hope for a miraculous outcome in her development.

This year. . . I held my sweet girl in candlelight while singing "Silent Night" and thanked God for allowing Adeline to be a part of his master plan.  I remembered when I held my little five pound baby at home for the first time and wondered how "this" was going to work for my family.  While the first couple years of being Adeline's mother were very hard, both emotionally and physically, I can say that being her mother today is a gift from above.  Little did I know how much our family would gain by rallying around this one pound miracle.  She slows us down while she builds us up.  She is our glue, our gift, our belief in the unbelievable.  She keeps us loving deeply and celebrating joyfully.

Have I mentioned how much I love her?

Here is a video I made a on the first anniversary of her homecoming.

Miss Belle's Holiday Performance

Since Adeline missed school the better part of December, her holiday concert performance was less enthusiastic than in years past. First, I couldn't see her because she was positioned directly in front of some very large heads. Second, although I didn't know it, she was still sick. Third, she didn't know all the songs and was unsure of the ones she did sing. That isn't entirely true.  She knew "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," and stole the hand motions from Lila's class and almost stole the show. Her fancy dress and cute smile helped too.

I really only have one picture that is worth posting from this event. And because I feel so bad that my sweet baby girl was so sick this month, I am going to take this opportunity to post some holiday pictures or her that  I LOVE.  Yes, I adore them. We saw very little of the enthusiastic and smiling Adeline this month so these pictures remind me that she is tucked away in a tired of being sick and tired Adeline.

Come back Miss Personality. I miss you!

Holiday Happenings and Overdue Posts

Since much of this month was plagued with illness, we worked hard to cram holiday excursions into our well days.  One outing that we do every year is riding the Santa Express.  Adeline is mildly obsessed with trains which made it a spectacular ride.  We were thrilled to have Heather and Baby Kate make the trek up so that they could board the train too.  Grammy and Papa were also in attendance.  The girls loved the train ride and Santa was nice enough to pay them individual time while gifting them a pretty fancy magnifying glass.

Since Adeline was fever free for the night, we decided that we would retry our weekend in Hershey.  Visiting an amusement park in 20 degree weather may seem strange to some, but in Pennsylvania it is a tradition.  The girls thoroughly enjoyed the rides.  They hung tough with the temps and we managed to stay five plus hours in order to see the park light up with 1000's of Christmas lights.  It was beautiful.

Check out their faces on the Frog Hopper.  (Lila went from thrilled to distraught when she saw an older woman, that was on the ride hold her throat and laugh.  Lila thought the woman was puking.  Goes to show how much puke has found its way into our house!)

While at the park, the girls were able to visit Santa.  I expected Savannah to start asking questions this year and she did.  We have moved on to the Santa's Helpers stage (i.e. telling her that some of the "Santa's" we see  at the mall, etc. aren't actually Santa at all, but one of his helpers filling in for him)  - she fully took the lead on this conversation.  We mutually decided that the real Santa is in Hershey which caused her to beam from ear to ear after spending time on his lap.

After the amusement park (both girls were passed out in their car seats before we got out of the parking lot), we spent the night and headed out to Chocolate World the next morning.  The girls enjoyed working on the factory line while packaging Hershey Kisses - dancing with your container was included again this year.  Savannah and Grammy had the chance to try out the newest exhibit.  They both got to make their own chocolate bar with individual fillings and toppings.

Before leaving we came across a magnificent gingerbread house.  Well, it really wasn't gingerbread but 100% Hershey candy.  Both young and old were awed.

Back home (and in between even more sickness) we found time to roll out a few more cookies and finalize our gift purchases.  Alex and I found ourselves shopping past midnight and wrapping gifts on Christmas morning.  Not how I planned to do it but it all worked out in the end.