Ernie, Ernie, Ernie

One would think Lila's love for Ernie was why we landed at Sesame Place last weekend. It was a contributing factor but the real reason was to kick off the March of Dimes, March for Babies walk. All the team captains were invited, which includes us. Yes, we are a one man team called, "Small but Mighty." Feel free to join our team and walk with us. We would love to feel the support. Just email me and I will explain how.

The girls watched a kick off a video which included shots of micro preemies in the NICU. They immediately thought it was them. It was cute but also a sad reminder of their rough start. They will never see cute hospital pictures where they are swaddled in my arms. Lila looked up at me and said, "I was a little baby Mommy." Yes she was! And so were many of the other children that surrounded us that afternoon. We were in a room of miracles.

Here is a picture of all the preemies and their siblings. I wanted to point out the March of Dimes button on the side of my blog in case you are interested in supporting the walk this year. We are excited to participate again, knowing the girls will remember walking this year and going forward. We have so much to give back to the March of Dimes!

To engage the kids, the Sesame Street characters came to play. Lila talked about it all day and could barely wait for their appearance. First came Cookie and Elmo which was exciting to Savannah and Adeline but disappointing for Miss Grace. I had to tell her to hug them as she was looking over their shoulder for her beloved Ernie. I was very worried he wasn't coming but a nod of Elmo's head told me he was on his way. While we waited, Savannah and Adeline enjoyed some Elmo time. Savannah sunk right into Elmo's arms, possibly the last time she will be able to hug him and truly believe.

Ernie, finally arrived and Lila was beside herself. She ran right into him for a big hug and broke away with a big pucker and head pointed up. She got many kisses from him but nearly as many as she was willing to give. It was one of those moments that brings tears to a parent's eyes. I wonder how that happens over an Ernie but for Lila, Ernie is a deep love. Seeing her feel as though the love is returned is priceless. I should mention that Lila has recently included Bert into her list of favorites. I think she notices that Ernie doesn't really exist without Bert. She was very excited to spend some time with the yellow guy too.

The characters spent much of the the time dancing with the kids. Since most of the children loved Elmo, I let Lila DOMINATE Ernie. If she didn't have his hand, she was reaching for it or hugging him. At the end of each song, she reached in for a hug and up for a kiss. She was too cute. I knew she would cry when he left and she proved me right. Every day since, she has asked to go see him again. Her first love!




The Belle bustin' a move

My Gym

Adeline was invited to a birthday party at My Gym. It was a classmate from her developmental classroom that was celebrating his birthday. I was curious to see how all the children would do in an unfamiliar environment, including The Belle. The children seem very typical in their IU classroom because it is very regimented and predictable which helps children who aren't neurotypical appear as if they are.

Adeline was hesitant at first and yelling, "No, No, Mommy's car." But after a quick trip the to the bathroom, she was on her game. She followed directions, was willing to try out all of the equipment and be cute and pleasant while doing so.

Alex and I were able to accompany Adeline without her sister's in tow, which was extremely exciting for us. Adeline is such a joy, always happy and willing. We received lots of compliments because she is that kid that draws people to her. She is quite but some how penetrates a group with her peaceful and joyful disposition.

What a treat it was to focus our undivided attention on Adeline and recognize and all she has to offer. She is one fantastic kid! I am one lucky Mommy!!

Happy Meal Anyone?

Thanks to Miss Lois, Adeline's developmental classroom teacher, the girls have enjoying some McDonalds drive through time. They love setting it up, picking out what they want picture menu and paying for their meals. One night, the drive through was quite busy with Adeline and Kate in mix too. I love how they understood the concept.

Apparently, Daddy wasn't hungry. . . 

The Girls + Kate =4

We got to experience what it would be like to have four girls last week.  Baby Kate came to visit while her parents were on business in DC.  She was such a delight, a perfect match for our family.  She kept to our schedule, was surprisingly independent, and added a pleasant new distraction for our girls.  We loved every minute of it.

What was interesting, was that my girls grew up in seconds.  Kate is just over two and made my girls seem so big!  Lila took on a leadership role and showed Kate around.  Lila loved to take part in diaper changes and felt it necessary to tell everyone, "Babies stink" when the diaper was opened.  It was so cute to see her step out of the youngest role.  Adeline, seemed so tall when standing next to Kate.  They weigh the same but Kate helped me see that Adeline is working on vertical yardage.  Savannah impressed me the most.  She was a mommy.  She got Kate her drinks and snacks, found her appropriate toys and changed her diapers.  I was floored when she came down stairs and told me that she put Kate down for a nap.  She had found her binki and blanket, pulled the shades, lifted all 26 pounds of her into her pack and play, and turned her noise maker on.  Too bad Savannah wasn't this able when the twins were little.  The extra set of hands is very useful.

The One and Only Thomas Puzzle

After carrying around her Thomas puzzle, sleeping with it and coercing anyone who visits to do it with her, Adeline finally completed it on her own.  All 35 pieces dumped from the box were put together all by The Belle.

It just goes to show that she has the perfect balance of determination and patience.  This puzzle used to be very hard for her as she started trying to conquer it at a much too early age.   Pulling it out a couple months ago put the goal of completion within reach.  Alex and I were both pretty shocked when we sat back and watched her do it yesterday.  They only thing that doesn't translate in the picture is her commentary.  "Oh, oh, I see it.  I see it.  I got.  It goes right there.  Okay."  Pretty cute when said in her joyful, raspy voice.

We have a few more 35 piece puzzles for her to master but after that she will join Savannah in the 100 piece club.  Come to think of it, Savannah didn't do half bad helping me and Aunt Natalie work on a 1000 piece puzzle a few weeks ago.  Hmmm, is there a puzzle gene?

Miss Lila (continued)

Well, interestingly enough, we didn't get to keep our appointment with the behavioral therapist.  Adeline was graced with a round of violent puking the night before.  But that isn't really the point of this post.

Ever since I posted, my husband thinks too honestly, about Lila, I have had my baby girl at the forefront of my brain.  It seems that putting it in writing made our difficulties more real which only feeds my desire get it "right" when it comes to parenting her.  Alex wanted me to take my post down for a couple of reasons.  First, there a select few people who view Lila in a less than positive light and he worries that the post will only contribute to those feelings.  So be it, I say.  I can't worry about people who place questionable judgment on a three year old.  Second, he worries that we are creating a reputation for Lila.  I don't feel that way.   I don't think three year old behavior should play into long term reputations.  Shouldn't children get more leeway than that?  Just because Miss Grace kicks and screams, "No," now, does not mean she will be throwing desks at her teachers and yelling profanities when she is fifteen.  Please appreciate the humor here.  So, I leave the post up and my main reason in doing so is for me.  I need to see where we stand today and give myself the gift of looking back on today, two months from now.  Although things are tough, I believe we will have made progress two, four and six months from now.  If not, then we need to reconsider our efforts. 

 After putting my "Lila thoughts" to keyboard late Tuesday night, I found myself  presented with a surprisingly happy and smiling Lila the next morning.  The twins are not allowed out of their beds without permission which has never really been an issue.  Early Tuesday morning, I was checking my email and hear little footsteps behind me.  I assumed it was Savannah looking over my shoulder.  When I turned, I saw the most smiley and bright eyed Lila waiting to be noticed.  I don't think she knew that getting out her bed in the morning was a no-no so I didn't make a big deal out of it.  Instead, I took advantage of the hugs and snuggles she had to offer which are very rare on school day mornings.  How amazing it was to be "filled up" by Lila first thing in my morning when typically, we are engaged in dressing wars.  Later that day, we found some quality one on one time and I was able to see her many gifts.  She is the girl of 100 funny faces, unexpected kisses, and laughs that are contagious.  She can be amazingly helpful - when she wants to, and is so proud of the help she gives.  We went to dance class and I was the only mom that got the waves and the, "Aren't you so proud of me and all my cuteness?" smiles.  It seemed to be one of the days where the public took interest in Lila telling me how beautiful she was.  I believe she is absolutely beautiful, both inside and out.  I just have the on-going responsibility of helping her channel her spirited personality into something beautiful.  As a good friend told me, "God will take care of shaping her heart."  I just have to work to provide her the skills, resources, and boundaries to showcase His works in my little girl.

When Our Best Isn't Good Enough

That is where Alex and I stand when parenting Miss Grace.  We have tried a number of strategies, prayed for patience,  bit our tongues in order to not yell (failed a few times on that one), and continue to walk a way with our hands thrown up in the air.   Alex and I look at each other in exasperation and disbelief.  How is it that we don't know how to parent Lila Grace?

We love Miss Grace dearly but her behavior is awful.  She continues to rock this family and, unfortunately, pull the worst out of all of us, including herself.  When she is being what we call, "nice" she is golden, helpful and ever so sweet.  When she is refuses to be nice, she is angry, yelling, and destructing.

Every day starts with a defiant, burying herself in a chair, Lila when asked to take her pull-up off and go potty.  She refuses, no matter the consequence.  We have to drag her into the bathroom while she kicks and screams, hold her up as she is trying to go limp, and pull her clothes off.  Once on the potty, she is screaming mad.  Typically, I walk away and tell her she can't come out until she goes.  Once closing the door, I hear the kicking and flipping of stools, yelling and general pissed offness (yes, that is a word when referring to my baby girl).  I usually have to get Adeline and Savannah to the point of going downstairs for breakfast before Lila will budge.  She comes out and says she is going to be nice but will do the exact same thing all over again when asked to put on her panties and pants.  She just refuses to oblige any of my requests.

The above scenario is repeated before naps, after naps and when getting ready for bed.  They center around dressing and undressing, something she can do but won't.  The kicking, screaming, and defiance leaves me with such frustration.  No matter what we try, if she doesn't want to do it, she WON'T.  To add even more fuel to the angry fire, these falling out sessions usually happen a couple more times a day about something random that Lila doesn't want to submit to.

Today, she threw a spoonful of cereal across the kitchen and when her breakfast was taken away, she chucked a stuffed animal off of a desk and then got into a fight with my kitchen area rug.  She is oddly destructive when mad.

So what to do?  Alex and I walk on eggshells, try hard to make the predicted routines that fail, fun and different.   At this point and time, being Lila's parent is agonizing because every night I go to bed feeling like I have failed.  I worry that she doesn't feel loved - A LOT.   I worry about how I look to my other two daughters when dealing with Lila.  I know I have the mean, mad, ugly face that I remember seeing on adults when I was a kid.  I promised I would never be that parent.  We don't hit (I have succumbed to swatting her bottom a couple of times which has really sent me into self persecution), we try very hard to use an even tone, and praise her as much as we know how.  Our other two kids mind blissfully well.  What happened with child number three?  Yeah, yeah. . . I have heard many a parent tell me how there is always a tough one in the bunch.  I just think this more than tough. 

We are very worried about the relationship we are building with Lila.  This worry has forced us to seek help.  Wish us luck. . . we meet with a behavioral therapist tomorrow.  Hopefully, our quest to parent Lila in the way she needs will start then.  My fingers, legs and toes are all crossed.