Dancing Queens

Both Lila and Savannah took dance class this year.  I have never let them participate in the recital in years past but decided this year, was the year for Savannah.  Savannah was really excited and a little nervous for the recital once the costume came in.  Neither one of us knew what to expect.  I don't know who had more anxiety.  I had to apply makeup to my child for the first time and Savannah was nervous about being on a big stage with bright lights.

The rehearsal was run just like the program and was the only opportunity we had for video.  The curtains and decorations weren't in place but the girls danced very seriously.  Savannah was a few steps behind as she was cuing off of her neighbor instead of trusting herself.  Surprisingly, she danced better than ever with perfect timing for the show.  I wish I had the real deal on video. . .



Here is my big girl with way too much make.  The instructions were to apply lots of makeup and then apply even more.  Turns out bright, red, clown, lipstick doesn't stand out on stage like it does at home. Just for the record, I never dreamed I would have girls in tutus and makeup at age 7. Thank goodness it was only for one day. It is NOT my style and all I could tolerate.

I can't forget to included pictures of Lila.  She loved dancing in her Creative Movement class.  It challenged her motor planning and highlighted her strengths and weaknesses.  Each week in her class, Lila practiced a recital dance too.  However, I feel like it is frivolous to spend $50 plus dollars on a costume that she will wear one time at the age of four.  Savannah seems old enough to value the hard work that goes into a recital and is very proud of herself.  After she Lila watched the recital, I am fairly confident she was thrilled to be sitting on my lap and not performing.  She isn't a performer.

Attached Forever

Savannah asked me if there is something that hangs off of belly buttons when a baby is born.  I proceeded to explain the umbilical cord.  She took it all in and then asked why it has to be cut when the baby is born.  I explained that if the doctor didn't cut her umbilical cord, she would be attached to me via a hose (yes, I realize that this isn't medically accurate but she is seven!).  My next statement collided with hers in a surprising way.  I said, "I don't think that would be a lot of fun for you." at the same time she said, "Awesome!"  Yes, she was giddy about the thought of always being attached to me.  Savannah explained that she would never miss me, would be able to get my loves whenever she wanted, and would love having me attend school with her.

Oh, I love this girl!

Goodbye Messiah Preschool

I could be at this keyboard all day, and still not find the words to adequately express how much Messiah Preschool means to me.  Adeline has attended this preschool since she was just two.  Lila attended for the two's class with Adeline but then moved over to her own preschool.  Adeline has stayed with Messiah ever since.

Then. . . (first day of school)

Now. . . (Last day at Messiah)

People always think I am crazy when I say the twins attend two different preschools but, when you see Adeline at Messiah, it is impossible to imagine her anywhere else.  I remember calling Messiah's director almost three years ago and asking her if she would allow my developmentally delayed twins to attend the two's program.  This involved changing their diapers, allowing their therapists to accompany them and, most burdensome, deal with Adeline's lack of speech and sensory issues.  The teachers and I were just recollecting about how they couldn't paint Adeline's hand without holding her down (which of course, they did not do) when she was two.  They patiently stuck with her, reached deep into their bag of tricks and have sent countless crafts with hand prints home ever since.

Mrs. Feinstein was one of Adeline's first teachers at Messiah and helped us come full circle by teaching her again this year.  Mrs. Feinstein has treated my girl like one of the bunch since day one.  She is a constant source of encouragement and tells me that Adeline is holding her own quite often.  While I know Adeline hasn't closed the gap entirely, I love hearing Mrs. Feinstein tell me, "You need to stop worrying.  She is doing great."  What warms my heart even more is that this teacher has stock in Adeline's success.  She has INVESTED in my girl.

Just when I didn't think Messiah could give more to Adeline, I met Mrs. Eaton.  Mrs. Eaton was Adeline's assistant teacher this year.  Mrs. Eaton served as an extension of me.  My little girl let would go of my hand to run into her classroom and hop on Mrs. Eaton's lap for her daily dose of loves.  Whenever I saw the class move through the hallways, Mrs. Eaton was always holding Adeline's hand.  She loved my girl and always gave her a lap to sit on when the kids got to noisy or rough - Miss Adeline can be pretty tender.  Mrs. Eaton wore her patience hat each day and took the time to walk slower so that Adeline could keep up, wait longer so that Adeline could attempt to write her name, and gave in all the other ways that meet Adeline's needs which can feel pretty demanding at time.

It is with a sad heart that we close this chapter of our lives.  Thank you Messiah for taking the risk and letting my girls through your doors when they didn't make the age cutoff or developmental requirements.  It has been instrumental in Adeline's development.  Thank you for making me feel that it was risk worth taking!



Here are some clips of Adeline singing at Step Up Day.  She really belted it out which allowed me to HEAR her voice.  She stuck with the song while most of the other kids sang ahead of the words. (Front row paid off!)


Here she is receiving her certificate.  She takes it. . .  She shows everyone. . .  She gives it one big hug. . .  She shows her Mommy and Daddy.

She Loves Her Daddy

I know I have made mention of this before but I need to reiterate how much Adeline loves her Daddy.  If Daddy could tend to everyone of her needs, she would be perfectly content.  While she still thinks I am a pretty cool individual, Miss Adeline adores her Daddy.  When told to take something home to, "Show Mommy," Adeline reminds her teachers that she is going to go home and show her work to Daddy.   If  I am the one that plans on attending her school function, Adeline has to be prepped or she will throw a fit when she sees me there without her Daddy.  Whenever Adeline and Lila pretend play, guess who is ALWAYS the Daddy?  When asked what car we should take, Adeline always picks Daddy's.  She loves all things boy, especially, her Daddy!

Summer Birthday

 Miss Adeline celebrated her summer birthday during her last week of preschool.  She celebrated with her buddy Anthony.  They were a very cute pair.  I never spend time in her classroom and decided this would be a fun event to attend.  I was amazed at what I saw.  Miss Adeline listened to the directions the first time, totally understood she was celebrating her birthday, and blended into the class (mainly the boys because the girl desperately wishes she was one).

Anthony and Adeline were the first students served and it took some time to pass out all of the other ice cream sundaes.  While Adeline was waiting at her table full of boys, one of the boys started talking about going to a fair.  Adeline said she was going to go too.  I looked at her and asked if she knew what a fair was and her response was, "Something for boys."  After I explained what it was, Adeline went into one of her, all too common, tangents about going to a fair.  It involved a Thomas the Train ride and his smoke stack shooting out candy instead of smoke.  Adeline, apparently, stuck her hands out to catch the candy.  She held up her hand and showed all the boys how the candy stuck to all of her fingers.  The story went on and on.

What is interesting, besides this being completely made up, is that all the boys were quiet and listening with great interest.  This little one pound preemie, with her raspy voice, took control of the table with another one of her made up tales.  These tales are awfully cute but worry me to some degree.  Sometimes I think she believes that she did these things because she is telling her tale with such enthusiasm.  What really baffles me is that she uses an amazing amount of complex language when fictionalizing her life but, when asked what she did yesterday, she gives a very short response or can't remember.

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I should note that The Belle blew her candle out all by her self.  This has been tough in the past due to poor oral motor control.

"I Just Want My Baby To Be Heathy"

. . . isn't true.  While most of us mother's proclaimed that was our biggest wish while we were walking around with one in the oven - or two for that matter, it wasn't the honest to God truth.  Of course every mother wants her baby to be healthy, that AND a lot more.  Let's face it.  We want our children to be cute - easy on the eyes, sweet and kind, and successful.  During the younger years, success means hitting milestones which most hope will correlate with success in school.  It is fun to have the child that stops people in their tracks just so they can turn around and tell you how beautiful your child is.  Our hearts swell with pride when our children are said to be the kindest and most compassionate kid in the class.  We all love hearing how our children are catching on to skills quickly and how the teacher has little to no concerns about their progress.  Yes, these are things mothers really want to hear.  Not many mothers come out of the doctor's office jumping up and down because their child made it through his or her annual well visit without any concerns.  Its time to face it, we want beautiful, smart, kind and even athletic children.

That's what I wanted too when I was carrying my twins.  I wanted cute, sweet and smart.  Athletic wasn't high on the list but who wouldn't love to have the basketball star?  While I could argue that we got cute (I am their mother!!) and have overwhelming proof that all three of my girls are sweet and compassionate when compared to their peers, we did not get academic superstars.  Did I mention I am referring to the twins?  Miss Savannah is well above grade level in all areas (Ahhh, see that is what is easy for a mother to hear).

Let me be perfectly honest. . . it is hard to see my twins struggle!  It is also hard to bear the burden of their academic success.  I have devoted the last four and a half years of my life to their academic success and continue to hold tight the dream of the twins sitting in the top 50% of their class.  Each day, and I really do mean each day and multiple times a day, I worry about their academics.  How I would love to just BE!  Instead, I comb the internet looking for new ways to reinforce skills that aren't developing naturally or activities that might serve as a leg up when entering Kindergarten.

Just recently, all of this work seemed to be in vain.  Alex and I had decided to send Lila to a private Kindergarten with the intention of her repeating real Kindergarten in public school the following year.  The twins barely make the cut off and it is clear Adeline needs more time.  What child doesn't benefit from time?  We held Savannah and it has proven to be a great choice.  She naturally took off in Kindergarten and hasn't slowed down since.  I would love to say the same will happen for Lila but I know better.  Due to the twins' history, things don't just develop naturally.  The girls have to be pushed and taught every little step along the way.  Private Kindergarten at Savannah's school was going to do just that for Lila.  We were hoping Lila would be exposed to and hopefully grasp many of the Kindergarten skills.  She would then master these skills during her second year of Kindergarten.  Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy.

Lila went in for her Kindergarten visit and interview a few weeks back.  I was sure they would admit her since she knows her letters, numbers, shapes, colors, can count and write her name - let's not forget she is a sibling to a current student too.  Unfortunately, she was turned away.  The admissions director didn't even complete her academic assessment because she felt Lila was too young.  Somehow, my quiet and sweet baby girl came off as unable to successfully complete a Kindergarten readiness assessment.  She was only in the classroom for 20 minutes and, like I said, the standardized test wasn't completely administered (we were told, "We have no concerns about her academics so we didn't need to complete the test") which leaves us with no data other than she will be doing a pre-k program this year instead of entering Kindergarten.

I could go into all the reasons I think they turned her away that have nothing to do with her but the wait-listed Kindergarten and how her academics are on par with many of the pre-k kids that will enter Kindergarten at that school but, the result doesn't change.  Our Lila was rejected and our hearts were broken.  Miss Lila and I have worked tirelessly to help her close the gap.  I was sure doing two years of Kindergarten was going to close the gap for good and push Lila forward. . . into that upper half of the class.

And there it is again.  The truth.  The desire for my kid to be smart, successful and desirable.  And while I am sure this is going to be the first of many heartbreaking rejections for my girls, it still hurts.  Being that it was a school that we are a part of and mostly love is like pouring salt in the wound.    Who doesn't want Miss quiet and sweet Lila in their Kindergarten?  I bet if she was loud, assertive, and all too eager to speak her mind, she would have been welcomed with open arms.  That just isn't the genetic make-up of our girls.

I recognize that I should be jumping up and down because Lila is a vision of health.  She is never sick which is ironic,  given her early start in this world.  I should also be happy that I have a kind and gentle girl who has never once gotten in trouble at school, hit a child or sibling, or used any mean name calling words towards anyone.  But the fact remains. I love what I have but I want more.  I want smart kids.  Not super smart, just academically successful.

I just can't figure out why it matters.  All I know is that it does matter. . . at least to me.

Farewell Grammy!

The girls enjoyed three weeks of Grammy time.  Unfortunately, all family visits must come to an end - an end that involves a lot of tears.  My girls have a hard time being 3,000 miles away from family and don't think it is fair that their friends see their grandparents regularly when they don't their grandparents more than twice a year.  Savannah, out of frustration, abruptly asked, "Why can't we live in Washington."   There are so many layers involved when answering that question. . . which one to choose?  I ended up telling her that I think we live in a wonderful part of the country with lots of opportunity and some of the best educational and medical facilities in the nation.  I listed all the the things we couldn't do if we lived in Washington but it didn't stop her from wanting to ride her bike to grocery store with her Papa in the microscopic town in which I was raised.  The little girls think that Grammy and Papa should move into our guest suite and have very little patience when listening to why Grammy had to fly back home. 

I hate having to mend their little, broken hearts back together after the big departure.

Girl Baby?

Lila can't seem to get over the fact that she looked like a boy when she was an infant.  I tend to disagree but as I pushed the girls around through many public places, both dressed in identical pink, I was often told how lucky I was to have gotten one of each.  A boy and a girl!  I think the lack of hair hurt Lila's girly appearance when riding beside Miss Adeline who had enough hair for both of them.

For awhile, Lila has been convinced she was a boy baby that turned into a girl when her hair grew.  Last night we made progress.  She has given up the notion that she was born a boy and declared that she was a girl baby with a boy head!

Here is my girl baby with a boy head. . . 

Mother's Day

My Mother's Day started a few weeks back with Lila's Mother's Day Tea.  It piggy backed an all nighter in ER with Adeline which left me a little less enthusiastic than normal.  Once I arrived and saw my beautiful girl light up at the first sight of me, energy was no longer a problem.  Lila was so sweet.  She served me food and drink and finished off the morning with a song and special picture frame holding some of her favorite things about me (see picture below).

Adeline's Tea was this last Friday.  The entire school sings for the mothers.  I was sure Adeline wasn't going to know the words since she has missed so much school due to sickness and stitches.  Wrong again!  Miss Adeline stood front and center and sang most of the words and worked hard to keep up with the hand motions.  We gathered at beautifully decorated tables where we were fed and lavished with gifts.  Adeline was very excited to give me my new mug with her dark blue (of course) hand print (see picture below). 

Sitting there with Miss Adeline brought tears to my eyes.  Lila and Adeline started at Messiah when they were two.  Both were in diapers and had yet to declare what road they would take in terms of their overall development.  Sitting at the table and watching my Adeline blend in with her peers was overwhelming.  All three of my girls are so much more than I ever imagined.

The wonderful Mrs. Stueve who took my girls under her wings when they were just two.  She has been cheering them on ever since. 

This morning I woke up to a very sweet Savannah.  She put the tennis racquet bug in Daddy's ear and was grinning from ear to ear when she gave it to me.  She, of course, expected me to be most excited about my new racquet but the letter she wrote me is what hit the home run.  Tears filled my eyes as I held my big girl and read the words below.  Her beautiful words, perfect handwriting, and thought out pattern of flowers (that must have taken forever) are something I will always cherish.

My day culminated with a beautiful evening of family.  My mom is here which makes Mother's Day even more special.  As I sit here and type this, I am amazed at how much love I feel.  I know every mother must feel the same today.  I just never dreamed I would love these three girls as much as I do and that they would give it back in return.

It is good to be me!! I have these three sweet, smiling faces loving me each and every day.

My handmade treasures. .

Happy May Day!

With Love, From Lila

Team Small But Mighty

We did again!  Daddy pushed, I pushed, and Savannah rode her bike.  Things were a little different this year because we were caring for Charlotte and Henry the day of the walk.  I tried to push them the whole five miles but realized that my pushing a 100+ pound stroller days are over!  Daddy took my girls the whole way.  It was strange running without my girls, and I missed being recognized as a family by our shirts but the finish line made up for it.  Lila and Adeline hopped out of the stroller, locked hands and proudly crossed the finish line together.  They were so cute and received much recognition.  They are absolutely amazing!

Thank you for your generous donations and support!

Don't Play on Stools

I could bore you with all of the ugly, and I do mean ugly, details but I won't. I will leave it at a fall after dinner turned into an entire night in the ER (arrived home at 5:00 a.m.). There was a papoose and straight board involved because my girl really does differ from typical kids. She has sensory issues, especially when it comes to medical establishments. Next time, we will sedate her - even the doc agreed with that. Adeline was a trooper, never once fussed about spending the night in the ER. She saved all of her horrific fussing for the stitching itself. My poor baby girl. . .

Here she is sporting her dark blue stitches. . .

Six days later, we were back in the ER strapping her down with the papoose so that the docs could yank the stitches out. There is just no reasoning with a little girl who can't process medical procedures properly. Most kids go to their pediatrician but Adeline likes to keep it real and require a papoose, straight board and three adults when removing two measly stitches (one fell out on its own).

That's my girl!