Hippotherapy

Adeline started Hippotherapy last week. This involves riding a horse (full size) while a lead walks the horse around the rink and physical therapist positions Adeline. It sounds rather simple and at first I asked myself, "Is this just a trend?" but once seeing it - I BELIEVE. I was in awe of how right it seemed for Adeline. These horses are so docile that they allow the kids to snuggle in. Of course that is the last thing Adeline wanted to do to a horse's head considering the head is bigger than her body and very hairy. She must might be the smallest kid they have had up on a horse (they start at age two). It almost seems like these horses are rooting for the kids they carry.

The biggest struggle for Adeline was the helmet. Not a surprise considering a lot sensory issues stem from her head. She growled and eventually screamed when Miss Alana was trying to get the helmet on. I told her to go ahead and shove it on because Adeline is never going to just allow it. She did and there were screams but the screams disappeared the minute the horse started moving. All the sudden the disorganized and very stressed little girl was quiet, focused and working more muscles than she knew she had. There is something about watching your tiny 20 pound child on top of a horse that makes you realize how physically demanding it is for her to counter the horse's movements in order to maintain balance.

Once she was settled I left the rink and went into the observation room. As I watched from a distance, tears filled my eyes. Here is my sweet Adeline sitting on a horse, which she would never want to be around if she had a say, cooperating, and suckering those around into loving her. The women who were working with her couldn't get enough of her sweet disposition and social smile. Somehow, the horse was symbolic of Adeline's world. So big, scary and constantly moving. And there was my girl going with the flow, working hard to stay afloat and not bothered that she has to work twice as hard as the next kid to find her way in this world. I love her for that! If there is a perfect disposition, she has it - hands down.

Drowning in my Kids

I had a conversation with a woman I recently met. She has a son that has issues but does not have a diagnosis. She has put her life on hold and is desperately working with therapists and doctors in order to fully understand his needs. Of course, this bonded us immediately as I feel that I am doing the same thing with Adeline.

She mentioned in an email that I had said, "I am drowning in my kids." I don't remember saying it but when reading her email, the phrase struck me at my core. I am trying everyday to give my children all that they need. Unfortunately, they need more than most children. I end up orchestrating a juggling act between therapy, appointments, therapy centered play, and just enjoying and loving my girls. Drowning is right! As I continue to strive for a balance, I am beginning to realize that balance isn't the answer. It just seems to be the first thing out of everyone's mouth that recognizes the difficulty of our situation. There is always need for more therapy, medical opinions and evaluations. My girls could use a great deal more from me in the therapy centered play and of course, the one that beats me up most at night is the too few moments of just loving my girls. If I really want to balance this, then all areas are going to be cut back. Clearly, there is need for more of each so really what we all need is more daylight hours, patience and money. Daylight hours so that we can squeeze in more play and therapy in one day. As it is, I can barely fit all of their therapists into a week. I find myself ready to sit down and hold and love my girls at 7:45 at night when they are already late for bed. More patience is like stating the obvious. I can only do something for so long without getting annoyed that my child isn't cooperating, or that another child is trying to pull me away from what I am trying to accomplish with her sibling. Finally, more money. Yes, money. There is a need because alternative therapies aren't covered and the top doctors that see special cases like Adeline are often not considered in-network. We just scheduled Adeline to be seen at the Kennedy Krieger Institute where you pay upfront ($1500 that is) and pray that your insurance kicks in retroactively. So no, there is no balance. There is always a need for more and balance isn't the answer. All, balance does for me is find away to fit a little bit of everything into a day. I still go to bed feeling that everything we do is just inadequate. I just can't come up with a "fix."

Ultimately, I am drowning in my kids.

Apple Picking

Due to our amazing fall weather, we were able to get out early friday and pick apples at Highland Orchards. Picking apples with three young children is interesting. Lila Grace found one apple on the ground and had to hold it the entire trip. This made it very hard for her to pull an apple off the tree as she needed both hands. It took her a very long time to give up her apple in order to pick another and put it in the bag. Savannah enjoyed herself but was a bit frustrated at first when all the apples were out of reach. Eventually, we found a patch that both she and Lila Grace could reach. Miss Adeline was a completely different story. For her, standing and walking in the orchard grass amongst apples that were rotten was about all she could handle. I would pull a branch out to her that was pretty clear of leaves but she would have nothing to do with picking the apple. Too much to quick.

As for the apples themselves, they were delicious. Savannah and Lila couldn't get over the fact that they could pull tiny apples off of the trees and just bite right in. They loved it. Adeline was skeptical. I finally got an apple up to her mouth which gave her a chance to taste them. You could tell that her brain wanted so badly to take a bite but her body was overloaded by the wet, rough feel of the apple. She would lean in and then once a half inch away from taking a bite, quickly pull away. These are the moments that remind me she has a lot going on inside her. Managing it is taxing and often she just gives up as she did on the apple.

Farm Fresh Apples

Now that the nights are cooling very quickly, we are sent inside much sooner than we are used too. Instead of heading up for a bath the girls are starting to take to a before bedtime snack. Being that we are on the veggie or fruit snack protocol, we are enjoying freshly picked apples. Of course they are loaded with warm caramel and yummy whipped cream (I can't be too much of snack Nazi). These apples are so good that even I am asking for more when the bowl is empty.

Lila Grace sits at the island like a big girl now. It is so nice to be high chair free for the 15 minutes. Unfortunately, my island only holds two stools so Adeline is still stuck in the high chair. I don't think I would trust her in a stool anyway (they are backless).

We sit, the girls make funny faces and enjoy feeding one another. They all like watching the whipped cream come out of the can. It has been a nice routine for the past few nights and I am hoping it will carry us through the dark dreary months that lie ahead.

Just for the record, these pictures are of Miss Grace smiling on command! I wish she would do it every time.

Merry Mead Farm

I couldn't wait to get out the door this morning. The weather was perfect and we had plans to visit Merry Mead farm for our annual apple slinging. We started this tradition when Savannah was the girls' age - very hard to believe. Savannah has great memories of the place. It is funny what she remembers and what she doesn't. One thing was certain, she remembered the Apple Slinger.

When we arrived at the farm, my "perfect day" quickly dissolved. We had a camera but no battery (it was conveniently laying on the desk at home). Since I have been to this farm before, I know what a wonderful photo opportunity it is. I was also determined to document our last trip to the farm as a family of five. Who knows what we will be doing for harvest fun in Texas.

Alex left the girls with me and ran to WalMart. Unfortunately they didn't have a battery that matched our camera which forced him to return with a $20.00 piece of crap digital camera. My cell phone could have done a better job! So when you are looking at the pictures below please understand that I realize they are horrible quality. They are all I have.

After the shock of the camera debacle wore off (I am sure Alex will tell you that it never really did) we had a great time. I saw my little girls do the same things Savannah was doing three years ago. They participated in the bean bag toss, Apple Slinger and ring toss. Lila sat like a champ for face painting but Adeline wouldn't let the brush come near her. They went on wagon train and scaled the numerous pumpkins.

My big girl had the best day of all. If you haven't been to this farm, you have no idea how fun the Harvest Slinger is. We have tried for years to shoot our apples into an old bathtub sitting in the middle of the pasture. Wouldn't you know that Savannah walks up, places her apple in sling and rockets it off right into the tub. For that she won a gigantic pumpkin! She was so excited. The girls tried very hard to do the same but weren't quite on target. They were very cute as they picked their three apples from the bin and then placed them in the Slinger. They knew exactly what do to and loved every minute it of it.

Weather permitting, I think we will return next weekend. There will never be a farm as good as Merry Mead and this is our last year to experience the fun.
Here are some pictures of the past and present. Double click on the slide show below to see an option for a larger slide show

Add it to the List

That's right. Adeline's food list is getting longer and longer. Her willingness continues to improve and the light at the end of the very long tunnel might just be giving off a flicker of hope. Things are still hard and there are always moments like today when she whacked the cup of milk (open face, just like the big girls use) right out of my hand.

Here are the latest additions to the list:

Cheese Omelet - oddly enough Miss Grace won't touch it but the Belle loved it

Bananas - after spitting the bite out 5 times she finally chewed and requested more

hot dogs

Taco Soup

Some rice and chicken concoction out of a box (daddy's dinner not mine)

Chips (much to my chagrin)

Cider doughnuts (an odd texture with all of the sugar on the outside)

This evening, the Belle was very hungry as she didn't eat a great lunch at the farm we visited earlier in the day. She was fussy and wanting up. Up wasn't good enough though. Finally, she spied the rice that daddy had laid out for dinner and frantically signed for more. I gave her a bite (her mouth was waiting wide open) and she immediately reached for more. I think this is the first time she has requested to eat something that is dinner material.

YMCA

Just a quick update about my kids and strangers. I have heard a lot about how the girls should be watched by other people or consistently go to story times or music classes in order to get them used to strangers. Since we don't have family around and all of our friends seem to have their hands full with their own children (why does three kids have to be the trend right now 3+3=6!!!) our girls are with me 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year. Okay, 364 days a year because my parents watched them once for us this year when we were out in Washington. Our therapists have expressed concern about how they will react when they go to preschool and are watched by someone other than me. I understand this concern because Lila Grace flips her lid if a neighbor tries to pick her up let alone a stranger.

To take matters into my own hands and in order to kill two birds with one stone, I joined the YMCA. Yes, I am in desperate need of some exercise. It really does make me a better mommy. While I work out, the girls are dropped in the babysitting room. I am shocked but incredibly pleased to say they do just fine. Lila may whimper but moves on to the toys by the time I am walking out the door. This babysitting room is a disaster and the staff are terrible about interacting with the kids. I am very fortunate that my girls have taken the high road on this one because I couldn't leave them crying in that not so nurturing environment.

I feel the need to share an aside. I took Savannah to the babysitting room today (I usually go when she is in preschool) and she was brought down to me crying 45 minutes later. Somethings never change. We took all three on Saturday and Savannah was happy as could be. When we picked her up she was walking around holding Lila's hand. That moment defines the reason why we worked so hard to give her a sibling(s). She found comfort and love in her youngest sister. Isn't that what siblings are for? To fill the void when parents aren't there to do so. Today, Savannah told me she never wants to to go to the babysitting room without her sisters again.