"I Just Want My Baby To Be Heathy"

. . . isn't true.  While most of us mother's proclaimed that was our biggest wish while we were walking around with one in the oven - or two for that matter, it wasn't the honest to God truth.  Of course every mother wants her baby to be healthy, that AND a lot more.  Let's face it.  We want our children to be cute - easy on the eyes, sweet and kind, and successful.  During the younger years, success means hitting milestones which most hope will correlate with success in school.  It is fun to have the child that stops people in their tracks just so they can turn around and tell you how beautiful your child is.  Our hearts swell with pride when our children are said to be the kindest and most compassionate kid in the class.  We all love hearing how our children are catching on to skills quickly and how the teacher has little to no concerns about their progress.  Yes, these are things mothers really want to hear.  Not many mothers come out of the doctor's office jumping up and down because their child made it through his or her annual well visit without any concerns.  Its time to face it, we want beautiful, smart, kind and even athletic children.

That's what I wanted too when I was carrying my twins.  I wanted cute, sweet and smart.  Athletic wasn't high on the list but who wouldn't love to have the basketball star?  While I could argue that we got cute (I am their mother!!) and have overwhelming proof that all three of my girls are sweet and compassionate when compared to their peers, we did not get academic superstars.  Did I mention I am referring to the twins?  Miss Savannah is well above grade level in all areas (Ahhh, see that is what is easy for a mother to hear).

Let me be perfectly honest. . . it is hard to see my twins struggle!  It is also hard to bear the burden of their academic success.  I have devoted the last four and a half years of my life to their academic success and continue to hold tight the dream of the twins sitting in the top 50% of their class.  Each day, and I really do mean each day and multiple times a day, I worry about their academics.  How I would love to just BE!  Instead, I comb the internet looking for new ways to reinforce skills that aren't developing naturally or activities that might serve as a leg up when entering Kindergarten.

Just recently, all of this work seemed to be in vain.  Alex and I had decided to send Lila to a private Kindergarten with the intention of her repeating real Kindergarten in public school the following year.  The twins barely make the cut off and it is clear Adeline needs more time.  What child doesn't benefit from time?  We held Savannah and it has proven to be a great choice.  She naturally took off in Kindergarten and hasn't slowed down since.  I would love to say the same will happen for Lila but I know better.  Due to the twins' history, things don't just develop naturally.  The girls have to be pushed and taught every little step along the way.  Private Kindergarten at Savannah's school was going to do just that for Lila.  We were hoping Lila would be exposed to and hopefully grasp many of the Kindergarten skills.  She would then master these skills during her second year of Kindergarten.  Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy.

Lila went in for her Kindergarten visit and interview a few weeks back.  I was sure they would admit her since she knows her letters, numbers, shapes, colors, can count and write her name - let's not forget she is a sibling to a current student too.  Unfortunately, she was turned away.  The admissions director didn't even complete her academic assessment because she felt Lila was too young.  Somehow, my quiet and sweet baby girl came off as unable to successfully complete a Kindergarten readiness assessment.  She was only in the classroom for 20 minutes and, like I said, the standardized test wasn't completely administered (we were told, "We have no concerns about her academics so we didn't need to complete the test") which leaves us with no data other than she will be doing a pre-k program this year instead of entering Kindergarten.

I could go into all the reasons I think they turned her away that have nothing to do with her but the wait-listed Kindergarten and how her academics are on par with many of the pre-k kids that will enter Kindergarten at that school but, the result doesn't change.  Our Lila was rejected and our hearts were broken.  Miss Lila and I have worked tirelessly to help her close the gap.  I was sure doing two years of Kindergarten was going to close the gap for good and push Lila forward. . . into that upper half of the class.

And there it is again.  The truth.  The desire for my kid to be smart, successful and desirable.  And while I am sure this is going to be the first of many heartbreaking rejections for my girls, it still hurts.  Being that it was a school that we are a part of and mostly love is like pouring salt in the wound.    Who doesn't want Miss quiet and sweet Lila in their Kindergarten?  I bet if she was loud, assertive, and all too eager to speak her mind, she would have been welcomed with open arms.  That just isn't the genetic make-up of our girls.

I recognize that I should be jumping up and down because Lila is a vision of health.  She is never sick which is ironic,  given her early start in this world.  I should also be happy that I have a kind and gentle girl who has never once gotten in trouble at school, hit a child or sibling, or used any mean name calling words towards anyone.  But the fact remains. I love what I have but I want more.  I want smart kids.  Not super smart, just academically successful.

I just can't figure out why it matters.  All I know is that it does matter. . . at least to me.

Farewell Grammy!

The girls enjoyed three weeks of Grammy time.  Unfortunately, all family visits must come to an end - an end that involves a lot of tears.  My girls have a hard time being 3,000 miles away from family and don't think it is fair that their friends see their grandparents regularly when they don't their grandparents more than twice a year.  Savannah, out of frustration, abruptly asked, "Why can't we live in Washington."   There are so many layers involved when answering that question. . . which one to choose?  I ended up telling her that I think we live in a wonderful part of the country with lots of opportunity and some of the best educational and medical facilities in the nation.  I listed all the the things we couldn't do if we lived in Washington but it didn't stop her from wanting to ride her bike to grocery store with her Papa in the microscopic town in which I was raised.  The little girls think that Grammy and Papa should move into our guest suite and have very little patience when listening to why Grammy had to fly back home. 

I hate having to mend their little, broken hearts back together after the big departure.

Girl Baby?

Lila can't seem to get over the fact that she looked like a boy when she was an infant.  I tend to disagree but as I pushed the girls around through many public places, both dressed in identical pink, I was often told how lucky I was to have gotten one of each.  A boy and a girl!  I think the lack of hair hurt Lila's girly appearance when riding beside Miss Adeline who had enough hair for both of them.

For awhile, Lila has been convinced she was a boy baby that turned into a girl when her hair grew.  Last night we made progress.  She has given up the notion that she was born a boy and declared that she was a girl baby with a boy head!

Here is my girl baby with a boy head. . . 

Mother's Day

My Mother's Day started a few weeks back with Lila's Mother's Day Tea.  It piggy backed an all nighter in ER with Adeline which left me a little less enthusiastic than normal.  Once I arrived and saw my beautiful girl light up at the first sight of me, energy was no longer a problem.  Lila was so sweet.  She served me food and drink and finished off the morning with a song and special picture frame holding some of her favorite things about me (see picture below).

Adeline's Tea was this last Friday.  The entire school sings for the mothers.  I was sure Adeline wasn't going to know the words since she has missed so much school due to sickness and stitches.  Wrong again!  Miss Adeline stood front and center and sang most of the words and worked hard to keep up with the hand motions.  We gathered at beautifully decorated tables where we were fed and lavished with gifts.  Adeline was very excited to give me my new mug with her dark blue (of course) hand print (see picture below). 

Sitting there with Miss Adeline brought tears to my eyes.  Lila and Adeline started at Messiah when they were two.  Both were in diapers and had yet to declare what road they would take in terms of their overall development.  Sitting at the table and watching my Adeline blend in with her peers was overwhelming.  All three of my girls are so much more than I ever imagined.

The wonderful Mrs. Stueve who took my girls under her wings when they were just two.  She has been cheering them on ever since. 

This morning I woke up to a very sweet Savannah.  She put the tennis racquet bug in Daddy's ear and was grinning from ear to ear when she gave it to me.  She, of course, expected me to be most excited about my new racquet but the letter she wrote me is what hit the home run.  Tears filled my eyes as I held my big girl and read the words below.  Her beautiful words, perfect handwriting, and thought out pattern of flowers (that must have taken forever) are something I will always cherish.

My day culminated with a beautiful evening of family.  My mom is here which makes Mother's Day even more special.  As I sit here and type this, I am amazed at how much love I feel.  I know every mother must feel the same today.  I just never dreamed I would love these three girls as much as I do and that they would give it back in return.

It is good to be me!! I have these three sweet, smiling faces loving me each and every day.

My handmade treasures. .

Happy May Day!

With Love, From Lila

Team Small But Mighty

We did again!  Daddy pushed, I pushed, and Savannah rode her bike.  Things were a little different this year because we were caring for Charlotte and Henry the day of the walk.  I tried to push them the whole five miles but realized that my pushing a 100+ pound stroller days are over!  Daddy took my girls the whole way.  It was strange running without my girls, and I missed being recognized as a family by our shirts but the finish line made up for it.  Lila and Adeline hopped out of the stroller, locked hands and proudly crossed the finish line together.  They were so cute and received much recognition.  They are absolutely amazing!

Thank you for your generous donations and support!

Don't Play on Stools

I could bore you with all of the ugly, and I do mean ugly, details but I won't. I will leave it at a fall after dinner turned into an entire night in the ER (arrived home at 5:00 a.m.). There was a papoose and straight board involved because my girl really does differ from typical kids. She has sensory issues, especially when it comes to medical establishments. Next time, we will sedate her - even the doc agreed with that. Adeline was a trooper, never once fussed about spending the night in the ER. She saved all of her horrific fussing for the stitching itself. My poor baby girl. . .

Here she is sporting her dark blue stitches. . .

Six days later, we were back in the ER strapping her down with the papoose so that the docs could yank the stitches out. There is just no reasoning with a little girl who can't process medical procedures properly. Most kids go to their pediatrician but Adeline likes to keep it real and require a papoose, straight board and three adults when removing two measly stitches (one fell out on its own).

That's my girl!