If you wonder where I've been. . .

Savannah sat in my bed and prayed to God that I would get better and couldn't understand why I didn't. "Doesn't he want you to not be sick Mommy?" My thoughts exactly!!!

My Littlest - Yet Bravest

Lila Grace is my youngest by four hours. You wouldn't know if you watched her when she is in her element. She is the one that Savannah goes to if Savannah is too nervous to go into a dark room, down into the basement or into an uncertain setting. I don't blame her, Lila is most likely the one I would chose too.

I picked her up from preschool on Tuesday by myself - for once. I heard the teacher reading a story as I rounded the corner. I assumed she would have six little ones trying to sit still in front of her. Boy, was I wrong. All six kids were standing right in front of her chair, pointing, eagerly listening and very focused on the story. Who was front and center with her index finger pointing to a page and saying, "Eye, that is an eye." My little Miss Grace. That is right!! The youngest and smallest in her class but she is right up there participating and talking (well trying to) like all of the others. I guess I shouldn't be surprised because when Lila puts her mind to it, the sky is the limit.

This was the first time I have been able to watch a child of mine actively participate and enjoy doing so. She was full of life, enjoying herself and completely confident. Put my other two in the same situation and they would be standing in the back, quietly observing. Never have I seen a child of mine take the lead!!

I am so proud of Lila. She is strong, confident, crazy funny (you really have to be around her to appreciate her gift of humor) and, yet, she is very sweet. It took us awhile to get handle on who she is going to be but I am fairly confident that above characteristics will continue to define her. She is just what this quiet and shy family needed!!

Three Down. . .

Hopefully, not two to go. Lila was a little off this morning. I rarely let children in my bathroom when I get ready but today was different. Adeline is still crying if we put her down and Lila was similar. I let Lila join me in my bathroom while Alex had Adeline duty. While standing in my tub Lila emptied her stomach. I give her credit because it was a fantastic location to puke.

She seems fine and is asking for food and drink. Although she isn't fine, I am thankful for her seemingly pleasant mood.

I pray I don't get this!!!

Eye Exams

Eye exams are par for the course for preemies, especially micro-preemies. Luckily, the girls' Retinopathy of Prematurity subsided in the NICU and their vision exams have been great ever since. That we true again today.

We have been told that Adeline's eyes don't seem to track together by a few of her therapists. After having her examined today it appears as if the the structure of her eyes (one is wider than the other) causes this optical illusion to the onlooker. Of course, I don't enjoy hearing how my child suffers from asymmetrical facial features but hearing that her eyes are "perfect" is music to my ears. Dr. Lehman mentioned that many of the asymmetrical features wouldn't be detected by the average person. Regardless, I think she is pretty cute.

Dr. Lehman had Adeline perform one fine motor/spacial task. She was asked to put a flat piece of plastic through a slot in a circle. She struggled but with trial and error got it. Dr. Lehman praised the trial and error more than I thought was necessary. I later watched Lila perform the same task without any problem. Dr. Lehman told me that she was much more impressed by Adeline's problem solving and persistence than she was with Lila's success on the first try (nothing against Miss Grace). She proceeded to tell us that it is indicative of personality and is one of the most important characteristics found in the Belle. It got her through the NICU but even more importantly, it continues to inch her down the road of developmental milestones. Dr. Lehman indicated that most kids, if missing the slot, shove the plastic haphazardly at the circle and then throw it on the ground. Adeline, calmly and gracefully found the slot on the fourth try.

What was more impressive about the above story is that Adeline is much more sick than I have given her credit for. She was laying in Alex's arms, both of whom were saturated in puke, and unable to really lift her head for more than a couple of minutes. She threw up well over five times while in the waiting room and was gagging her way through the eye exam. Sticking to a task when so sick above and beyond the call of duty.

Today's appointment was to confirm the need for tear duct stents. She is on for tear duct surgery on March 25. ENT will sneak a second set of tubes in as well.

Now if we could just stop the PUKING!

Wishful Thinking

Well that corner we were turning wasn't a corner after all. It was a mere curve in in the road of puking. After perking up last night and keeping down a bottle we put Adeline to bed with another bottle. It wasn't long after that I smelled "the smell" emitting from the crack in her door. I wiped the puke off her face and was happy that she wasn't laying in it. I put down a pad and let her continue sleeping.

When I got up this morning it was obvious Adeline had puked again in addition to blowing out her diaper. The Pediasure is doing a number on the bowels. She is still really fussy and tired. She is also continuing to puke.

We have very important eye exams for the twins today. The next available appointment is in September. This appointment is a necessary work up for Adeline's second tear duct surgery. We also have tracking concerns which is common in preemies. The timing isn't great but we are going to take her. She perked up for Dr. Chidekel so hopefully she will do the same for Dr. Lehman.

Turning a Corner

After losing nearly three pounds, puking countless times and sleeping her life away, the Belle is turning a corner. We visited Dr. Chidekel today to confirm that she wasn't in danger of dehydrating. Her dry diaper, that was on for 15 hours, was what really put me over the top and urged me to take her in. Dr. Chidekel advised that we feed through it (Pediasure since she is refusing Pedialite during the day time hours). The laundry will most likely continue to pile high but if the liquid stays down for even a few minutes she is hydrating. I guess the absorption rate is quicker than I thought.

This afternoon she kept down her first bottle and had her first solid food in four days. She sort of played tonight and was in a better frame of mind.

Too bad Daddy is hanging his head in the toilet now.

The Three L's

Limp, Lethargic and Listless is what I would use to describe Adeline. This is the most sick we have seen her since watching her fight to live inside her isolette.

She has continued to dry heave over the past 24 hours. She wasn't able to keep even a couple swallows down until last night. I was becoming very worried that we were going to end up in the ER this morning (still a possibility) due to dehydration. Adeline just laid, and I mean couldn't hold her head up, around all day. She was happiest on our shoulder or in her crib. As I type this she is moaning in her crib because me rocking her was more aggravation than not.

No fever is present but there is an increased respiratory rate and an elevated heart rate of 160 BPM. She has slight retractions but it is hard to discern if it is just her sunken belly or if her she really is tugging in around the lower ribcage.

After arriving home from work last night at 10:40 and realizing that she hadn't had a real liquid intake in 36 hours Alex and I decided that we would wake her throughout the night and give her two ounces every two hours. It seemed to work, her diaper is wet. I assumed that tanking her up over night would change her disposition but she is still obviously in pain and has no strength or will to move.

Hopefully, she will turn a corner soon.

Fresh Air and Vomit

Let me explain by giving you a brief run down of my day thus far.

Today started out with therapy for both girls. Miss Adrienne accompanied us to drop Savannah off at preschool. We are trying to get a better handle on why Lila Grace feels the need to scream and run away from anyone who gets on her level to say "Hello." Of course today, she decided that she wanted to be a big kid and sign in on the chart when entering Savannah's classroom. Because the teacher gave her a pen and pad to appease her she was more than friendly. Not her typical, "Don't talk to me, I don't like people" self. After our successful, yet atypical, preschool drop off, we headed home so Miss Adrienne could finish up with the girls. At that point I realized what a beautiful day it was. The girls were itching to play with their toys outside instead of going into the house.

After Miss Adrienne left I decided to go to the grocery story to buy something fun for snack and birdseed for the bird feeder. I am fully intending on spending the afternoon outside with the girls due to a high temp of 40 which honestly feels like 60. The grocery store went well and soon we had Savannah in the car and were headed home. I got the girls excited about playing outside and it wasn't long after that every outdoor toy had been extracted from it's winter hiding place. Lila was off like a shot, pushing every toy she could get her hands on. Adeline was more subdue and quite happy with Savannah taking her for a walk in the stroller. It was such a breath of fresh air for all of us. No coats, no fighting - just lots of sunshine.

Eventually, we had to head into for lunch which was not a popular decision. I noticed that Adeline was being pesky and refusing every bite. Soon she was moved into the dining room for a "time out" meal. I was having to hold her arms down in order for her take her bites. After too many minutes of fighting her, I started Savannah and Lila Grace in on their snowman snack. A rice cake, frosting (I'm sure most would use cream cheese) dried fruits and mini chocolate chips made for a mouth watering treat. Just when I am elbow deep in frosting, Adeline starts to projectile vomit. I could tell it was sick vomit and not gag vomit because it just kept on coming. There are two places that I can't stand puke, beds and high chairs. Well she hit her high chair pretty hard. In fact, after she was bathed and in bed (sick yet again), Lila Grace would walk by the puddle of puke sitting on Adeline's tray and say, "oh, pook! Yuck" followed by some pretty cute giggles.

Well that is my fresh air and puked up day in a nutshell. I must mention that it ended on a pretty good note (well not quite ended yet). I told Savannah she had to nap at 3:00 which is always up for debate in this house. She quickly got to playing telling me that she didn't want to waste her time. I headed up at 3:00 and she had pulled her blinds, arranged her pillows and started her music. She told me she didn't want to make me have to do all of the work! What a sweet girl she is.

That reminds me. I have to document it somewhere or I will forget. Savannah asked me what year came before 2000. Of course to her, she hasn't heard a year starting in anything other than 2000. I thought it was pretty bright of her to be able to back track to 2000 and realize that there must have been a year before that.

An Audible Sigh of Relief

That is what came out of my mouth the minute I heard there was a two hour snow delay. After a very active and fun three day weekend with friends, the girls were sleeping in. I was in no hurry to get the morning started. We were fortunate to not have therapy this morning due to Miss Cynthia's vacation. Thus, we eased into our morning and played in our PJ's until it was time to get dressed and take advantage of the free Chick-Fil-A breakfast. Immediately following, I dropped Lila Grace at school and came home to play with my other two snotty and feverish girls (Savannah stayed home from school today).

I wish every morning had the opportunity to move at this pace. Usually, I am dressing and doing three heads of hair at lightening speed. What has been even more enjoyable is the absence of therapy over the past four days. It makes all the difference in the girl's behavior. While one is working with a therapist, the other feels left out and fights me for an entire hour. Today, there was no one to fight over and the girls got along wonderfully. My patience didn't run dry at 9:30 am!

Finally, being able to watch our nation gear up for it's 44th president was pretty impressive. Savannah already knows who Obama is and was quite impressed by all the attendees at his inauguration this morning. She ask very interesting questions like, "Does the President ever get sick? So, he is a Daddy and a President Mommy? What did his previous house look like? Why are there always people with him if the White House is his home?" What was equally special, was watching Obama take his oath with Miss Belle snuggled up on my lap. We never watch TV. I turned it on to see if he had been sworn in at them moment it started. Luckily for me, Adeline wanted to watch as well. I hope that all of my girls are able to look back on this day and realize that dreams are meant to be BIG!




Who needs a sled when you have a snow shovel?

Am I No Longer Allowed in Public?

Seriously, these past two days have been filled with public displays of unruly behavior. Kicking, screaming, biting (a first and I'm not sure whether it was intended on being a bite or just an oral sensory input need) and complete defiance. Just when I think my girls are behaving better I am brought right back down into the terrible twos.

Today, I tried to take Savannah to story time with her best friend. It was the hour before nap time and shouldn't be an out-of-the-question activity. Savannah went into the story time room (which the girls' think is their place to be since they have attended story time there many times in the past). Well, that was enough to send the entire hour down the toilet. We had to wait out in the hallway after Lila had already picked out her favorite green carpet square and plopped herself right in the middle of all the other kids. Sitting in hall didn't go well. We thrashed, screamed and were generally ornery. We were allowed to go in once the big kids were participating in their craft. I figured this would make the twins happier as they ran in and said, "Nana" with big smiles (well Lila did). Instead of being less of a handful, Adeline took it up a notch. She was grabbing scissors out the basket, getting into the pile of odds and ends the librarian used while reading the stories and finally begging for a lollipop. After giving a lollipop to each girl, mind you Savannah didn't get to have them until she was four, Lila Grace decided to pull the table cloth off of the table with all the kids' crafts and cupcakes sitting on top. (I did end up catching it before it was all on the ground.) Then I looked like a terrible mom as I pulled on her arm to make her sit down in time-out which resulted in her throwing herself backwards and banging her head on a concrete wall. Screams erupted while many obscenities ran through my head. I am sure the other moms thought I was a lunatic with out of control children.

Why, is something like story time and impossible endeavor. It certainly wasn't a selfish outing!

A Tearful Goodbye

It seems that this last week has been about saying goodbye. Grammy and Papa left after a 5 week stay on Friday. Savannah and I took them the airport and I could tell that she wasn't going to handle the departure well. I was right. She cried and cried and didn't want to let go when hugging them goodbye. We tried to explain to her that she will see them again but it didn't have any impact. She adores my parents and (in her words) "wish they lived in our house with us." I wouldn't mind it either as these past five weeks have been much easier than flying solo. What was most heartbreaking about my parents leaving was watching Savannah silently cry in the back seat for 15 minutes while I was stuck in traffic on I-95. How do I take the void away that she feels?

In the end I know it means we did it right. We have fostered a relationship between my children and my parents that is filled with deep love. My parents know Savannah better than anyone with the exception of us as parents. They have their silly games, routine trips to Dunkin Donuts and many on-cue sayings that they have been doing since Savannah was old enough to talk. I feel fortunate to have kids that feel unconditionally loved by their grandparents. I know the twins will follow in Savannah's footsteps. Lila walked out the day after my parents left and said, "Grammy uh Papa, where go?"

Not only did my parents leave but Daddy started back at work today. This is my first day with girls by myself in five weeks. Savannah had a very hard time saying goodbye to daddy last night. She eventually cried herself to sleep with me lying beside her. She wonders why he doesn't get a job closer to home so we can see him everyday. It was the first time she really "called" us on our living arrangement. Of course we would leap at the opportunity of living under one roof but it doesn't seem to be in the cards right now. Unless we win the lottery or the housing market magically changes, we are going to continue down this road for quite some time. I just wish there was a way to fill the emptiness that my big girl feels. She is genuinely sad and mopey at the moment.

Lila Grace's First Day of School

Lila Grace started attending preschool this week. We have decided to send her on Tuesdays and Adeline on Thursdays so that they can forge ahead independently. It also allows me to spend one on one time with them while the other is at school. The majority of the time is taken up by therapy but there is a enough time for a car ride or to run a quick errand. Being with just one child is a real treat since it never happens when Alex is away in Texas

I had prepared myself for crying - really loud crying. Surprisingly, after dropping Lila off, I was able sneak out with her noticing. I waited around the corner and did hear an outburst but it was redirected before it escalated to a cry.

Upon returning for pick-up, her teacher announced, "Where was all the crying?" I was astounded. It appears that one of the teachers had a college age daughter with them that day. Lila was quite fond of her and was happy as could be but she didn't stray far from her new "friend." When Lila caught site of me she jumped up and down and yelled, "Bye Bye." She then shot her sticky hand up in the air and exclaimed, "Lollie." Sure enough there it was, a great bit sticky, slobbery mess but Lila's favorite nonetheless. She told everyone good bye again and hopped out of the door. It appeared as if she had a great time.

It was really nice to pick her up in such good spirits. Adeline is always in good spirits too. There is just so much to worry about when Adeline is there. When Lila is at school, I just assume she is participating and following directions like any other kid. Clearly, their two roads are dividing. Only time will tell when their paths meet.

Brushing Part II

Just when Alex and I are congratulating each other on brushing Adeline five times a day for two weeks, we are hit with another two weeks. Let me clarify, I was hit. I guess we are supposed to re-evaluate in two weeks, not stop the program. During Adeline's OT session today, it was made clear we should continue the program. Since Adeline's defensiveness has lessened in her feet, we can assume the program is helping. I don't see huge changes but it is nice to be able to touch her feet without her jerking away.

My concerns are the following.

How am I going to brush her on my own for another two weeks? There really isn't much free time in our mornings. I need to brush before we leave in the morning and also during mid-morning. Both of which are close to impossible.

My second concern is that Adeline has been a bit out of sorts over the past few weeks. She isn't miserable and cranky but certainly on edge. She can't share her space with her sisters and wants nothing to with unsolicited loves from Savannah. I hope we don't have her neurological system out of whack from all of this brushing. Typically she is much more laid back and accepting of her environment when compared to her current disposition.

So Long O's. . . we hope

Today was the day. After two years of staring at an ugly oxygen tank sitting on an even uglier purple bathmat, we called it quits. I called Praxair and requested a removal of the tank, the exchange of our oxygen concentrator (ours wasn't functioning properly) and a delivery of four E tanks (the size adults pull around in cages/carts.

Adeline has been off the O's for the better part of a year now. At this point, she is rarely on oxygen for illness and if she is, it is only for night time hours. I feel confident our E tanks would get us through an emergency and a car ride to the ER. As an alternative, there is always the option of the concentrator if I want to run up my energy bill and not be able hear anything over the hissing.

As our oxygen guy loaded up the H tank he looked at me and asked, "What is your back up?" Clearly that have seen premature removals in the past and don't want Adeline to find herself in a dangerous situation. I know we don't run this risk but hope that the removal doesn't jinx the long stretch of clear lungs we are experiencing. I would be happy to never have to tape another cannula to her face ever again. It maybe wishful thinking but certainly not out of the question.

Only time will tell.

Christmas

Although this post is long overdue, it is not because it lacks importance. We had the most wonderful Christmas season this year. We had daddy home for TWO whole weeks. Instead of multi-tasking, and juggling work and play, we were able to really enjoy our children. Simple activities like baking and wrapping were enjoyable because with Grammy and Papa around, the adults outnumbered the kids.We were also able to enjoy many of the holiday activities that our are has to offer.

These past two weeks allowed us to watch our children delight in their sisters, grandparents and even us old worn out parents. This time together gave both Alex and I a refreshing opportunity to fall in love with our girls all over again. Love them I do! I can officially say, "Freeze it!" I thought that would be years away but freeze it now. I don't want them any bigger, wiser or older. I am in the sweet spot of life and recognize how precious and brief this time is.

Miss Grace became the apple of our eye over these two weeks (no that wasn't a typo). She had us bent over laughing more times than not. I don't know how someone so funny and spirited can come from our genetic make up but it is sure a pleasure to have her around. When her spirits get her in trouble, she runs and puts herself in timeout which is so stinking cute. She loves to tell everyone hello and recently has started saying, "Hi Baby," very affectionately to us. Pretty cute coming from such a cute girl. I guess that is the difference with Lila when compared to her sisters. She knows she is cute and funny and uses it to her ability.

Savannah is growing both physically and emotionally right before our eyes. She told her teachers on the way into school today that she wears a size 6/7 now. It was a little sad when I discovered the jump in size. She also really demonstrated her maturity when participating in many of the holiday tasks. She took more delight in giving this season when compared to receiving. Spending hours in the kitchen with her baking cookies opened my eyes to the fact that my little girl isn't so little any more. What a delight she is to raise. She is perfection.

For the Belle, what can I say. This holiday was her homecoming anniversary. I remember the day we brought her home and how tiny and sick she was. This holiday, she was in the mix! Unwrapping gifts, getting excited to watch Elmo and participating in our crazy dance parties were only a few of the activities the highlighted her physical and cognitive growth. Keep it up baby girl!

Here are a few pictures of Christmas Eve. We went to an early church service and all three girls sat through it. Adeline had to get up to dance when we sang of course. Church was followed by dinner, spreading reindeer food, a Christmas story and a few gifts. Soon the girls were tucked in their beds and mommy and daddy were frantically getting ready for the morning ahead :)


As stated in our Christmas card, God certainly is shining his light on our family. We are rich in love, spirit and laughs. We have come a long ways over these past two years.









Never in a million years did I think we would go from this




to this in two short (depending on how you look at it) years. God is good.