Miss Lila (continued)

Well, interestingly enough, we didn't get to keep our appointment with the behavioral therapist.  Adeline was graced with a round of violent puking the night before.  But that isn't really the point of this post.

Ever since I posted, my husband thinks too honestly, about Lila, I have had my baby girl at the forefront of my brain.  It seems that putting it in writing made our difficulties more real which only feeds my desire get it "right" when it comes to parenting her.  Alex wanted me to take my post down for a couple of reasons.  First, there a select few people who view Lila in a less than positive light and he worries that the post will only contribute to those feelings.  So be it, I say.  I can't worry about people who place questionable judgment on a three year old.  Second, he worries that we are creating a reputation for Lila.  I don't feel that way.   I don't think three year old behavior should play into long term reputations.  Shouldn't children get more leeway than that?  Just because Miss Grace kicks and screams, "No," now, does not mean she will be throwing desks at her teachers and yelling profanities when she is fifteen.  Please appreciate the humor here.  So, I leave the post up and my main reason in doing so is for me.  I need to see where we stand today and give myself the gift of looking back on today, two months from now.  Although things are tough, I believe we will have made progress two, four and six months from now.  If not, then we need to reconsider our efforts. 

 After putting my "Lila thoughts" to keyboard late Tuesday night, I found myself  presented with a surprisingly happy and smiling Lila the next morning.  The twins are not allowed out of their beds without permission which has never really been an issue.  Early Tuesday morning, I was checking my email and hear little footsteps behind me.  I assumed it was Savannah looking over my shoulder.  When I turned, I saw the most smiley and bright eyed Lila waiting to be noticed.  I don't think she knew that getting out her bed in the morning was a no-no so I didn't make a big deal out of it.  Instead, I took advantage of the hugs and snuggles she had to offer which are very rare on school day mornings.  How amazing it was to be "filled up" by Lila first thing in my morning when typically, we are engaged in dressing wars.  Later that day, we found some quality one on one time and I was able to see her many gifts.  She is the girl of 100 funny faces, unexpected kisses, and laughs that are contagious.  She can be amazingly helpful - when she wants to, and is so proud of the help she gives.  We went to dance class and I was the only mom that got the waves and the, "Aren't you so proud of me and all my cuteness?" smiles.  It seemed to be one of the days where the public took interest in Lila telling me how beautiful she was.  I believe she is absolutely beautiful, both inside and out.  I just have the on-going responsibility of helping her channel her spirited personality into something beautiful.  As a good friend told me, "God will take care of shaping her heart."  I just have to work to provide her the skills, resources, and boundaries to showcase His works in my little girl.

When Our Best Isn't Good Enough

That is where Alex and I stand when parenting Miss Grace.  We have tried a number of strategies, prayed for patience,  bit our tongues in order to not yell (failed a few times on that one), and continue to walk a way with our hands thrown up in the air.   Alex and I look at each other in exasperation and disbelief.  How is it that we don't know how to parent Lila Grace?

We love Miss Grace dearly but her behavior is awful.  She continues to rock this family and, unfortunately, pull the worst out of all of us, including herself.  When she is being what we call, "nice" she is golden, helpful and ever so sweet.  When she is refuses to be nice, she is angry, yelling, and destructing.

Every day starts with a defiant, burying herself in a chair, Lila when asked to take her pull-up off and go potty.  She refuses, no matter the consequence.  We have to drag her into the bathroom while she kicks and screams, hold her up as she is trying to go limp, and pull her clothes off.  Once on the potty, she is screaming mad.  Typically, I walk away and tell her she can't come out until she goes.  Once closing the door, I hear the kicking and flipping of stools, yelling and general pissed offness (yes, that is a word when referring to my baby girl).  I usually have to get Adeline and Savannah to the point of going downstairs for breakfast before Lila will budge.  She comes out and says she is going to be nice but will do the exact same thing all over again when asked to put on her panties and pants.  She just refuses to oblige any of my requests.

The above scenario is repeated before naps, after naps and when getting ready for bed.  They center around dressing and undressing, something she can do but won't.  The kicking, screaming, and defiance leaves me with such frustration.  No matter what we try, if she doesn't want to do it, she WON'T.  To add even more fuel to the angry fire, these falling out sessions usually happen a couple more times a day about something random that Lila doesn't want to submit to.

Today, she threw a spoonful of cereal across the kitchen and when her breakfast was taken away, she chucked a stuffed animal off of a desk and then got into a fight with my kitchen area rug.  She is oddly destructive when mad.

So what to do?  Alex and I walk on eggshells, try hard to make the predicted routines that fail, fun and different.   At this point and time, being Lila's parent is agonizing because every night I go to bed feeling like I have failed.  I worry that she doesn't feel loved - A LOT.   I worry about how I look to my other two daughters when dealing with Lila.  I know I have the mean, mad, ugly face that I remember seeing on adults when I was a kid.  I promised I would never be that parent.  We don't hit (I have succumbed to swatting her bottom a couple of times which has really sent me into self persecution), we try very hard to use an even tone, and praise her as much as we know how.  Our other two kids mind blissfully well.  What happened with child number three?  Yeah, yeah. . . I have heard many a parent tell me how there is always a tough one in the bunch.  I just think this more than tough. 

We are very worried about the relationship we are building with Lila.  This worry has forced us to seek help.  Wish us luck. . . we meet with a behavioral therapist tomorrow.  Hopefully, our quest to parent Lila in the way she needs will start then.  My fingers, legs and toes are all crossed.

Birds

While eating dinner tonight, we watched hungry birds attack Adeline's pine cone bird feeder.   The girls had so much to say and point out about the birds.  Some were big, some were aggressive and some were blue.  I sat there trying to figure out all that was being said as it is still very difficult for the girls to articulate correctly.   The girls also are limited in their speech.  Adeline is making leaps and bounds but still has yet to be 100% conversational.  She will talk, talk, talk, about something and then quickly be diverted onto something else.  Lila is has more problems with articulation but doesn't seem to be moving forward in her sentence structure.  At least, not like I think she should be. 

Back to the birds. . . Lila Grace saw something that really got her excited and looked to me and started telling me something about birds.  She kept getting tripped up two words in and then. . . her enthusiasm disappeared.  She looked at me with frustrated eyes and said, "It is too hard talk me."  I asked her, "Is talking hard for you?"  "Yes, she says," nodding her head.  That breaks my heart. 

Why is it so hard and how can her brain be so far ahead of her speech that she has identified her weakness and knows she just can't express her thoughts at times. 

Sicker Than We Have Ever Seen Her

That sums up Savannah's last week.  My little girl was violently ill every 15 minutes for at least six hours.  She couldn't lift her head, get out of bed, or do anything by end it.  Unfortunately, Alex was locked up with her doing the same thing.  I left the two of them, ill and weak, alone for 24 hours.  They managed to make it without me.  Alex perked up but Savannah continued her bout with vomiting for a few more days.

What was impressive was that Savannah never complained, moaned or groaned.  Her only request was Rice Krispies once she felt a bit hungry.   I missed my girl - no snuggles for two whole days.  It was hard for me to watch from a distance but I knew it was the best way I could keep Adeline and Lila germ free.

This past week gave me a chance to watch my big girl sleep in daylight hours, something I absolutely love.  I can't get enough of this face.

I tried to sneak up on Lila sleeping but was unsuccessful. These faces suit her better anyway. Miss Binki Free Girl!

It was hard to get a glimpse of Adeline because she was buried into the wall. The is my open mouth sleeper that can sleep through just about anything - even me climbing onto her bed and bending over her with a camera!

Does Anyone Need a Doctor

Adeline is learning about members of community in her IU classroom.  She came home with this creative doctor's kit which has ignited many rounds of "doctor."

For the record, Lila came home as an Olympian. She represented team purple.

Valentine's Day Round II and III

Round II. . . started with a trip to Barnes and Nobel where the girls were able to spend their Valentine's gift cards from Grammy and Papa. They enjoyed playing trains and looking at books. These were the treats they came home with.

Round III included the Charlotte and her family and was the wrap up to our holiday. We made homemade heart pizzas which the girls enjoyed.


I couldn't do a V-day post without a picture of Adeline's valentines. Due to the snow, the parties took place a week late. We had been sick which left me scrambling last minute to come up with something. My 9:00 pm trip to CVS (the night before the party) sparked some ideas when I came across the giraffe treat bags. Little did I know that web clip art and white card stock could end up looking so cute. Her treats tug at my heart strings because Adeline was a "giraffe bed preemie" (i.e. the smallest and sickest) and look at her now. Passing out her treats, strong, healthy and cute as ever three years later.

Valentine's Day Round I

The table. . .

The giving. . .

The chocolate which unfortunately preceded the pink heart pancakes!

The new Snuggie for the work from home daddy who complains of being cold. . .

Feelin' the Love

Digging Out

I am sure everyone who blogs in the NE is posting pictures similar to the ones below. However, I have even more impressive news than just the incredibly deep snow. Miss Adeline fell in love with the snow this evening! It has always been a sensory struggle in the past, but tonight, something clicked. Oddly, enough Adeline was the last to come in tonight after spending about two hours outside while Alex shoveled. She climbed big hills of snow, made an impressive snow angel (can't believe it), and when asked to come in she replied, "No, I play snow." I am more than thrilled and look forward to the fun days ahead.

So here are some pictures of our impressive snow. Adeline insisted on bringing some snow inside which the girls tried to turn into to snowmen, only to be disappointed by how hard it was.

On the Outside. . .

a blizzard was raging!  Even weather.com used the word "blizzard" underneath the picture of snowflakes.  I didn't really get what it meant this morning.  I went out to help Alex shovel and it was rather pleasant.  Adeline stayed in while the other two girls came out to play and make snowmen.  Savannah and Lila enjoyed being covered by the snow we were scooping off the driveway.  I ended up burrying them from the chest down which they thought was really funny.  After a solid hour of shoveling, we were ready to go in but not before Lila got her bike out to ride.  Only my Miss Grace wouldn't be stopped by the snow.

Soon after we came in, the white-out conditions rolled in.   The snow fell heavy and the winds were whipping which pulled Alex outside once again to shovel an additional six inches off the drive again.  By the end of the evening, all of our windows look like this - even without screens in.  I guess that is how one tells they are in a true blizzard.  Wish us luck on the digging out in the morning!!

On the Inside. . .

we were well fed and warm today.  The girls found many activities to engage in while I sat and refereed.  I was surprised at how content they were to hang at home.  I even let them skip their naps because they were playing so nicely, using their manners, and giving me space at times.


Here are some pictures of some rare "doll time" in our house.  The girls love their Bunnies (the name of their dolls) but do not play baby dolls.  I was surprised to see them get everything out and go to town.  While going through the doll clothes, we found a couple of preemie outfits.  Most noteworthy, is the onesie Lila is holding.  Adeline wore it until she SIX months old.  Hard to believe.

Since it was our first blizzard, I felt the need to make our food somewhat special.  For lunch, we had snowflake sandwiches, snowman juice (milk), snowman skewers, and snowman rice cakes.  The girls ate more PB and J than ever before.  I guess the snowflake shape made all the difference.  They were thrilled to decorate their snowmen rice cakes and stuffed themselves until they couldn't take one more bite.

Good Bye My Little Binki Girl

As much as Alex and I have ignored Lila's decision to not use a binki, I think it is our new reality. At first, we doubted her decision and now we are plain surprised by it. I haven't said anything to Lila because I don't want to draw attention to something she is deciding to do very quietly. It has been well over 48 hours since she has not mentioned or used her Binki which makes me think I may never see my sweet girl's face with a binki again. I am thrilled but at the same time sad. Her binki was such a part of her. Lila was always so stubborn about her binkis too. She would only take an ORANGE binki for most of the past year. We had to look high and low to replace them when she would tell us, "It's not working." I guess they all aren't working for her anymore. She is growing up and I celebrate and mourn it at the same time.

The last picture I have of my Lila Grace with her Binki.