Snow, You Either Love It or Hate It

That pretty much sums up my girls.  As most know, we  had record snowfall this December.  It gave us an opportunity to bundle the girls (not my favorite) and try them out in the snow. Lila, as mentioned before, loved it. She spends at least 80% of her time eating a snowball out of her cupped hands. Savannah is rambunctious and much more of a willing participant with regard to sledding and general craziness. Adeline, well, as usual, she is a different story.

So how does a child with sensory issues register snow? Only they know but I am guessing it falls under the, "This is rocking my sensory world," category. Snow will most likely be an uphill challenge for Adeline. Not only is snow a different sound and texture under her feet which also puts her more off balance than usual, it is accompanied by cold temps and wind (most of the time). The moment Adeline heard we were going to go out and play in the snow (let's not even tell her that I held her out of her school Christmas party so we could work in a family snow day) she would exclaim, "I don't like snow, I don't want it!" Bundle her we did even though she fought the snow pants and growled the entire time I was dressing her. Once outside, she didn't want let down and would only not freak out if she was standing on the solid ground of the garage floor. We did eventually get her to emerge. Adeline loves snowmen and I was determined to make one with all three of my girls. I should note that the snow was fine and powdery so there I was with a watering can watering down the snow so we could pack it and roll it. Once we had a decent size snow ball I asked Adeline to help me pat it. She slowly walked out of the garage but remained on the side walk. She finally gave in once the head was on and I was still prodding her to help pat the snow. Gingerly she stepped across the snow (three or four feet across the yard) and reached out and said, "Pat, pat, pat" while she patted the snowman down. As long as she was focused on the carrot nose, or getting the buttons to stay on, she did okay. And, as usual, once in the environment for ten or minutes, her stress level dropped. That is not to say she wants to play in the snow ever again. Adeline will be the first to tell you that she wants to stay inside.

I wish with all my heart, that she could enjoy these experiences like her other two sisters. It takes all of my encouragement and creativity and Adeline's determination and courage in order for her to participate in such activities. Nothing is ever easy for The Belle. . . or so it seems.

(don't be mislead by her happy demeanor in the pictures.  It took A LOT of effort to get her to smile!)

Adeline's Christmas Program 2009

How do I describe my feelings I was having before Adeline's program?  Looking back, my expectations were very low and my overall thought process was negative.  It is funny. . . I wasn't expecting Adeline to shine but fully expected Lila to shine like a star during her Christmas program.  It isn't a sign of anything more than knowing what they like and in which environments each girl thrives.  Well this time, I was very wrong.  I have been over Lila's potty woes during her program which leaves me here to describe Adeline's amazing performance.

I should set the stage so that my low expectations make sense.  The entire school participated in the program which made for a VERY crowed sanctuary and shoulder to shoulder line up of students.  Adeline, to my knowledge, has never been in the sanctuary that is adorned with beautiful stained glass and high ceilings both of which are noticed by Adeline instantly when walking into a room.  Being touched by the student next to her is a constant agitation - she just isn't a big fan of touch from anyone other than her parents.  The cameras constantly flashing can send her into a daze.  What I most expected was for her to melt down when lined up with the children at the front of room - too crowded and unfamiliar.  Yes, this is the perfect recipe for a sensory overload for a child like Adeline.

Adeline walked into the sanctuary holding Mrs. Stueve's hand.  I was sure Mrs. Stueve would never be able to remove herself from Adeline's death grip.  My vision had Adeline sitting in her teacher's lap the entire program, if she wasn't in mine.  Surprisingly, Mrs. Stueve showed her where to stand and Adeline let go - this even surprised Mrs. Stueve.

The music started and it was clear Adeline was taking in her surroundings and a bit overwhelmed by all that she saw. Here she is during her first song. (all the clips are >30 seconds)


After a few songs, something clicked. It was almost tangible. She smiled, made eye contact with her teacher and started having fun. I almost fell out of my pew.

They ended the program with "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."

Tears fell from eyes as I stood in awe. My little one pound miracle was nothing short of NORMAL. She did better than some of her peers. I understand that performing or not performing has no correlation with intelligence etc. but this was a moment. Adeline is rarely typical in these settings but on this day she was. Why? I don't know, but my hope is that it is one more baby step toward finding herself comfortable in the world that surrounds her. She focused on the music, learned the words and actions to the songs, and performed for a room full of strangers. For a little girl that couldn't handle another baby's cry, a leaf blowing across the driveway, the sound of a vacuum, or being put down in a crowded space, this is PROGRESS.

Back to the Grind

I am in disbelief.  Our vacation is over.  We tucked the girls in early and tried to get them mentally prepared for school tomorrow. I have been trying to prepare myself as well but continue to ignore reality.

We had the most fantastic two weeks. I enjoyed my family immensly. The girls were fun and for the most part well behaved. They really took to each other's company, something they aren't given for hours on end during the school day. It was fun watching them discover new games to play with one another. Lila and Adeline's communication between each other increased dramatically. It saddens me when I think of the few times they are given to just play together when school is in session. Everything must adhere to our strict schedule which, for the most part, doesn't allow for unstructured down time. How does this happen to children who are just three and six?

So here we are, trying to dig ourselves out of our vacation schedule where we all slept in, watched, "Curious George," in bed each morning, and paid little if any attention to a clock. School will be a rude awakening tomorrow. I keep telling myself that school is essential to all three girls and their development. This is followed by my convincing myself that they enjoy school and would miss it if it wasn't a part of their lives. I have a tough time believing either statement when looking back over the past two weeks. We were all so happy, loving, and silly. Don't get me wrong, there was still plenty of, "Are you going to play nice?, Can you say that nicely?, or Please don't be cranky", but the overriding emotion was joy.

I guess I am going to go with our philosophy of Christmas. We tell Savannah that Christmas wouldn't be special if it was everyday. In turn, we would most likely tire of one another and hit a "family wall" if our vacation at home was endless. For now, I am thankful that we had two full weeks of all seven of us under one roof - yep, that includes Grammy and Papa who help to keep things fun while showering the girls with undivided attention.

I will sign off with the warning that some or all of us may be walking around dazed, sad, and/or confused tomorrow and may sport a similar face to that of Miss Lila Grace below. It is only because we would all rather be snuggled up together at home with nothing better to do than just be. 

Happy 2010

We actually rang in the New Year this year.  Before I get to that, I should start with the kid's and their early celebration. 

We invited the neighbor girls over for a hot dog dinner and early countdown. The older girls didn't really understand what the countdown was or how the ball dropped. I hope our confetti drop, party poppers, horn blowing and lighting of sparklers helped the girls wrap their heads around celebration.

We had a champagne toast with neighbors, friends, and Grammy and Papa and were soon tucking the twins into their beds for the last time in 2009.


Once the kiddos were quite, we left for Four Dogs Tavern with our good friends, Melissa and Byron. It was so nice to see them without kids at our feet. I was suffering from a headache so food and drink weren't high on my list. However, everyone else seemed to enjoy both. The crowd was much older and not quite what we expected but we were certainly amused by it all. The time passed quickly, most likely because we were racking our brains in order to come up with a song that the DJ might actually have. No such luck but I wasn't complaining. It kept me off the dance floor and history proves that off the dance floor is much better than on it for me! Before we knew it, we were ringing in the new decade! We couldn't have asked for better company. Melissa and Byron can appreciate the welcoming of a new year and all the possibilities it brings for our girls and our families.

Funny how it looks like we drowned ourselves in beer. My dad took this shot this morning which I have no recollection of. Can three kids, a holiday season, and one late night really make getting up this difficult - even at 9:00 a.m.? Man, we are getting OLD!

Happy 9th

We've come a long way over these past nine years.  It certainly hasn't been the journey we were expecting, at little bit of the "for better and for worse" met us along the way.  As we are at the crossroads of our journey, allowing the dust to finally settle from the past three years, we continue forward together - thankfully under one roof again. I know that I am lucky to live my life next to you.

I love you because. . .

Our girls still flip their lids in excitement whenever you walk through the door.  They love us equally.  A girl's self esteem is built by a father and I would pick no other than you to play that role in these precious girls' lives.

You always put your four girls first, me especially.

You bring me apple juice to my bedside every morning - even if you are running for a 5:00 am flight

You carried golf bags and painted neighbors houses while holding your head high when there was no other source of income.

You find a way to put a positive spin on everything (wait a minute, isn't that what drives me crazy at times)

You fought for Adeline when I had lost hope and couldn't.

You want for nothing.  "My girls are all I want."  No fancy boy toys, no nice cars - you wear ancient clothing and shoes with holes happily and almost with style??

You NEVER complain!

You look as good as the day I married you - (if you don't start aging, people are going to think I am your mother!)

You can run a sub - seven minute mile after drinking countless cokes, eating nothing but chips, and having not exercised in months.  It has to count for something right?

You held me up in the NICU when I couldn't stand balanced on my own two feet.

You do my laundry, pick up the house before you go to bed, and help me load the girls in the car each morning.

I love you because I know you love me!

Here we are nine years later posing for our amazing six year old.  More later on her amazing anniversary celebration for us.

Blowing out our "wish" candles that Savannah provided us.  

Lila's Christmas Program

Our Lila Grace is more musical than any other three year old I know.  She sings - always!  If there is music she hums, if the words are slightly familiar she tries, and if she knows the song she belts it out.  She has favorite parts of movies, favorite adult songs, and favorite children's songs too.  You would really have to see her perform to understand her unique love of music.

We were so excited to watch Lila perform in her Christmas program right before preschool let out for the the holidays.  This was Lila's time to shine, she would be in her element.  Not only would she be singing numerous songs that she knows, Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, and Papa would be there to watch and praise her.

Miss Lila was very cute walking into the sanctuary that morning.  She smiled and waved but was very focused on the job head.  She took her place on the riser and began singing the moment that the music started.  I began to notice that she was crossing her legs and losing her balance over and over again.  She didn't seem to mind because she didn't miss a word or a motion.  Unfortunately, she was so squirmy and off balance, by the crossed legs stance, that she fell off of the riser.  I was heartbroken for her because I thought she would be embarrassed.  I quickly ducked back into the parents and let her teacher come to her aid (I would elicit crying for sure).  In no time, Lila was up and singing again.  By this time, she was looking at her Daddy (avoiding eye contact with me) and whining his name quietly between songs. I knew.  She was doing the potty dance and in pain.  I didn't know what to do.  Take her down off the stage and have her miss the short performance, it is after all her moment?  I ended up leaving her and quickly grabbed her after the last song was sung.  I swept her into the bathroom where she covered her eyes and cried.  She had peed in her pants but avoided opening up the flood gates, thank goodness.  She was so ashamed and upset when I pulled off her tights.  That was it for her mood during the reception too.  I was heartbroken for my little girl.  Instead of feeling proud she felt shame and stayed buried into her Daddy's lap for much of the reception.

A couple of weeks have passed and I am beginning to see the future humor in all of this.  But for now, I am happy to have this clip of her redeeming herself at home with the last couple line of, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" (motions and all).

Here is clip of her performance and fall - please excuse my sudden outburst of prayer?? at the end



Here is a clip of a very pained face after the fall while still doing her very best to hold it

Remembering. . .

I am pretty sure I was still going through the motions and running on adrenaline, three years ago. Today, I am still working on allowing myself to feel the fear and pain while recognizing the amazing journey.

Three years ago our Christmas card was sent from the NICU (the first picture of my three girls). The picture touched me which left me praying that the girls would learn to love and feel love, especially after watching their older sister love them unconditionally. We begged God to heal our baby girl who was still fighting for life after three long months in the NICU. Looking back, God answered those prayers and Adeline made a remarkable turn around in three short weeks. On Christmas day, Adeline was discharged, and joined her family at home. The love of sisterhood has grown each day since.

This year, we celebrated the ease of life, the health of our girls, and joy of family. 

We are thankful for God's lessons over the past three years. I feel that our family remains centered during the season, reflecting on the gift of family and God's grace. The stress levels and chaos are down and the presents are lower in number, while the "moments" with one another continue to multiply.

Christmas will always be about Adeline and her fight for home.  She will always be the gift that made my family complete.

Here is The Belle on Christmas morning, thrilled that Santa put Goldfish in her stocking.